You know, other than "Asshole"

I have no nicknames. At least none that have stuck.

Not that people haven't tried.

In high school, the football team started calling me "Gummi Bear" (mostly because our coach liked to have nicknames for everyone), but only Steve ever called me that outside of football (well, he just calls me "Gummi"), and I never see any of those guys anymore.

Neil and Mark tried calling be "Golden Delicious" (that just sounds wrong, doesn't it?) after Mark put an apple sticker on my jacket and I didn't notice for an hour. Needless to say, that didn't take.

Kyle called me "G" for a while, but his names for people are very fluid, and so he kind moved on not long after that.

Pat calls me "Gomer", and Melis has picked that up a bit (just as you can see I have also picked up his painfully lazy shortening of Melissa), but nobody else really goes with that.

There was a time when I was younger that my dad called me "Chick", extrapolating from the habit of Scottish men calling their wives "Hen" (watch "So I Married an Axe Murderer" if you don't believe me), but now he most sticks with referring to me as "The Boy". I've chosen to find this endearing....

I do, however, have many Alter-Egos.

Electric Circus Iain (should be self-explanatory)

Frank the Tank (again, shouldn't need much explanation...)

Serious/Work Iain (you'd never believe how good I am at playing "responsible"... I apparently even sound different talking to co-workers)

But really, those are all just caricatures of certain aspects of my personality.

I guess it just comes down to the fact that there really aren't any short forms for Iain.

Oh well...