Why I Hate People

or, a smattering of the crap that goes through my head on a daily basis...

Friday, December 08, 2006

I Can't Believe This Is Happening

c/o Bill Simmons:
Here's the "I Can't Believe This Is Happening" Scale of Reactions, which really depends on the length of time you stand in one spot with your mouth open in disbelief and your arms dangling a little bit forward ...

1.0: Guy realizes that he accidentally drove past an exit.
2.0: Guy realizes that he doesn't have ID in an airport.
3.0: Guy reads that his favorite team just signed J.D. Drew for $70 million.
4.0: Guy watches an LAPD cop write him a jaywalking ticket.
5.0: Guy finds out that his current girlfriend "used to have genital warts."
6.0: Guy coaching the 2006 Giants realizes that another first down was called back because of an unnecessary roughness penalty.
7.0: Guy walks outside and realizes his car is missing.
8.0: Guy finds out that his current girlfriend once had a threesome with two guys.
8.5: Guy walks into his apartment/house and realizes it's just been burglarized.
9.0: Guy finds out that his current girlfriend once had a foursome with three guys.
9.5: Guy walks in on his wife having sex with someone else.
10.0: Guy walks in on his wife having sex with Flavor Flav.

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