A Short List of Things You Never Want to Hear from the Next Urinal

• "Hey, nice watch!"
• "You should probably clean your fingernails."
• "I see you have an Iron Ring."
• "Need a hand with that?"
• "Nice cock."

Summertime Thoughts

You know, with summer winding down, I realise that with some of the more major things in life falling nicely into place, I'm able to appreciate some of the smaller, yet no less significant joys.

Walking to Starbucks on Saturday morning and getting to read a book I'm really quite heavily into*, then that night getting to expand my mind before going to see Superbad (still funny at the end, if you catch my drift). Enjoying the final summer patio after band practice on Sunday (we have practice tonight, and then basically not again until after Thanksgiving, but the patio at night just isn't the same), and then again today, taking a walk to the local Timmy's at lunch, again with book* in hand, and enjoying the sun.

Lately I'm feeling more and more like a damned hippie, but there's something to this whole karma thing... really..... when all is right on the inside, it's amazing how much we enjoy things on the outside.

* - I'm currently about three-quarters of the way through the third book (of seven) of Stephen King's Dark Tower series. It's effing sweet, let me tell you.

PS: I swear I'm sober as a judge.

An Excellent Idea!

In case you haven't heard about this, please read on....

To: Ontario Ministry of Transportation

Original Story
http://www.northumberlandtoday.com/webapp/sitepages/content.asp?contentid=618551&catname=Local%20News&classif=

Let's officially designate 'Highway of Heroes'

In Ontario, when a Canadian soldier dies for his country in Afghanistan they touch Canadian soil at Canadian Forces Base Trenton. From there, a funeral procession leaves the base and heads to Toronto, Ontario taking our departed heroes to the Centre for Forensic Sciences. Along the 172km path of Highway 401 people fill the overpasses to show their support, waving Canadian flags and signs, in a sort of paying their respects to the fallen and their families.

It's been unofficially dubbed the "Highway of Heroes" and I personally would love for an official naming of the 401, from Trenton to Toronto down to the Don Valley Parkway "The Highway of Heroes". It's already called that to the thousands of people who line the bridges along the way and it should be remembered as such in the future for generations to gather and pay their respects.

The final decision is the Ontario Ministry of Transportation and i have contacted them about this. Inspiration to make this petition by "CF Enthusiast" from army.ca. Information provided by Pete Fisher Article and i don't wish to take credit for his information, just trying to get the ball rolling :) Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

If you want to sign it, please go here (I'm #23928!). There is, naturally, also a Facebook Group for the same if that's your bag.

One little "Hey look at me" post in the midst of all the other crap I throw up here shouldn't be a big deal

This week, the PEO approved my application. Once I (naturally) pay a nominal fee, I will be allowed to throw "P.Eng." after my name.

That is just effing cool.

This is probably going to come off all ghey, but...

I had a bit of a moment coming back from Kingston last weekend.

(minor back story: I went to see my parents over the weekend, and also stopped off in Kingston on the way back for Jenna's bday)

Anyway, I noticed that almost from the moment I arrived in Kingston, I was plotting my departure... and for the first time I can remember, I didn't stay until the absolute last conceivable moment. Now, when I think about it, Kingston had always been a kind of oasis for me. A place where I could almost go back in time and live freely and without worries or responsibilies. A kind of Neverland, really.

I guess my point is that I'm glad my life is at such a point where I don't feel the need to squeeze every last drop out of my little escapes from reality. In fact, that there are even reasons that I want to come home!

Part must be that "growing up" thing I've heard so much about...

From the even-growing file: "There Are No Words"

Might I present to you: University of Michigan Offensive Lineman Marques Slocum.

Oh, and be sure to read the comments afterwards...

Genuine Class

There's nothing, and I mean nothing better than shitting all over one of the most important days of someone's life, just because they're famous. :)

I don't even know how much of that was sarcastic. I really don't.

Only funny if you read blogs WAY more popular that this one

James Blunt does a duet with Telly... and somehow this amuses me. Like, a lot.

Contrarian for the sake of contrarian? Actually, no.

So, I believe anyone with a TV many of you have heard that NFL Quarterback Michael Vick is in some kind of trouble over some dog fighting shinannigans.

In fact, he had been taking all kinds of abuse this summer even before that news dropped.

BUT! I actually read a thoughtful response, not absolving him of anything, but at least pointing out that somebody should have seen it coming, and that perhaps he is even worthy of some pity. Not to be forgiven, not to be given a pass... just that perhaps there is a tragic side to this whole ordeal, in that the typical superduperstar athlete (if there can really by such a thing) needs to have a far better support system in place.

PS: The fact that you can still buy jerseys of other NFL players like Ray Lewis, Rae Carruth and, hell, even Orenthal James Simpson (why did I bother even linking that?), while Vick's jersey is not available is laughable. Their crimes were against PEOPLE, damnit! Oy vey....

What? How did I get into this nutshell??

Can you describe Britney Spears in under twenty-five words? The dude at WWTDD can:

God damn, trying to follow this bitch is exhausting. Her entire life is like the punchline to a Jeff Foxworthy joke.

For those interested, yes... it is turning out to be a slow at day week at work...

Things I could live without re-living

I'm going to spare you the sob story as to why I was in this situation last night, mostly because it's not mine to tell... but whatever.

So, last night I'm driving through a cemetary. It's after dark, so we have the high beams on briefly to see exactly where the road is (you NEVER want to veer off the road in a cemetary... I'm not speaking from experience, more a position of terror when I imagine hitting a fucking tombstone).... and to the left I see a couple big piles of dirt. Creepy, but not overly such, as you have to accept a certain amount of earth moving in such a place.

Then I saw him.

I actually saw some guy digging with a shovel.

I can only assume he was digging a grave. At night. And there was nobody else around.

Fuck. Me.

I'm pretty sure I could go the rest of my life quite happily never re-living that particular moment. That's how fucking horros movies start.....

If this doesn't cause a short, sharp intake of breath... I don't know what's wrong with you

(h/t to With Leather, as usual.. but I'll just cut 'n paste what Ufford wrote, anyway...)

I don't know what kind of drugs you need to take in order to get to the point of, "Hey, we should totally throw a cheerleader through the basketball hoop," but I'd like to try them. Because my heroin-ecstasy-cocaine-horse tranquilizer cocktail just isn't cutting it any more. What's that you say? Needs more horse tranquilizer? Oh, that's your solution for everything.

PS. One of the tags on the With Leather post is "Bad Idea Jeans"... gotta love it. :P

PPS. Yes, I did note that she's holding the back of her head afterwards, and sorta pouting. As if that was the worst thing that could have happened.... she's effing lucky to not have been ripped in two!!

Because I'm juvenile and you love it!

If you can watch a montage of faceplants and not laugh, then I'm not sure we can speak anymore. Enjoy....



(h/t With Leather's "It's funny because I don't know them")

Life Imitates Art

Or some such bullshit....

Moments ago, one of my co-workers (Julian) comes over and asks me and Maira if we have a form letter for rejection of bidders.

Me: Why? Was it a big contract?
Julian: Yeah, like 1.7 I think. But actually, this portion of the contract is only 900,000.
Me: Even if you send a letter, they're going to call to ask why.
Julian: Really? Damn.
Maira: They'll call for a [cheap piece of equipment], I know they'll call for 900k.
Julian: Oh, no. What do I say, then?
Me: I dunno, just tell them that it's not going to work out.
Maira: Yeah, that you're not looking for something serious.
Me: It's not you it's me.
Maira: That you're not really in a place where you can commit right now.

I think that, as a group, we need to get out more.

Insert tired cliché regarding snowballs or some such here

I was having trouble coming up with something witty to say, but I ended up just deciding that my feeble brain wasn't capable, as I kept falling back into hackey overused clichés that grow more and more meaningless by the day.

In any event, another stupendous summer weekend is in the books.

Friday night was an entirely unexpected, and yet very cool completion of some 6-degree-style fun, finding out that I went to high school with one of Jaclyn (a.k.a. the gf)'s friends, and that two of them know one of my best friends from Queen's. Just plain weird... cool, but weird. Whatever. Small world and all that, right?

Saturday brought the disgusting dustbowl that is Fergus. Seriously. Would it really kill them to get a water truck in there to keep the dust down? By the end of the day I felt like I needed a trip to the coin-operated car wash for a high pressure jet to get all the grime off. Just plain disgusting.

Okay, well... it wasn't totally unbearable. Why might you ask? One part Jenna and Paul making a cameo after spending their summer galavanting around the globe, and two parts WINNING! Granted, it was just us and Toronto Police, but you never know. One of the judges was telling our PM that he though we played better than in Maxville last week, which is pretty cool. Also, as a side note, the band that placed ahead of us and the North American Championships got 4th at the World Championships on Saturday. Nice way to look at things, I'd say.

Overall, with most of a month (or more?) to go, I'm going to have to say this has been one kick ass summer.

PS. Again, for those interested parties, check out Facebook for some video evidence of Peel's awesomeness in Fergus. ;)

Baseball and Math: Together at last!

I realise that those two words likely just killed any chance than 99% of you will read this post.... but I'm just having a ball nerding it up by reading a post on Kermit the Blog (h/t FJM) where the dude actually does a statistical analysis to show how absurd the idea that Barry Bonds hit 73 homeruns at age 37 really is.

Gettin' my nerd on on a Friday... get back, this kid's outta control!!

New Twist on some Old Insanity

I know many of you MUST be familar with badgerbadgerbadger.com ....and I'm equally sure that some of you are aware that if you play it for long enough, the music and animation go out of sync...

I just found out about this little twist, which made me laugh me ass off. Figuratively.

Enjoy!

Homage to The Fox

If any of you ever watched (the original version of) The Man Show, you know who The Fox is. If not, I just gave you a link, dum-dum. Read up before continuing.

Now, on some show I just heard about (from here, via With Leather), there's this chick who sorta half-assedly pays (likely unknowing) homage to The Fox:



Ignoring the fact that I can chug faster than that, I'm more than mildly aroused.

Odd Trend or Weird Fascination?

I noticed during my walk home from the movies last night that I had a peculiar theme over the last few days when it comes to entertainment.

I watched all of Kill Bill over Sunday/Monday and finished up book two of Stephen King's The Dark Tower (with three on deck) last night before going to see the Bourne Supremacy last night.

What trend? It seems I've been enraptured by highly trained killing machines, be they Beatrix Kiddo, Roland Deschain or Jason Bourne. What can I say... I'm weird. But really, it's all pretty cool. They're all just regular people who underwent grueling training, be it the cruel tuteledge of Pai-Mai, brutal lessons at a young age from Cort, or some horrible repressed memories which (SPOLIER ALERT!...ish?) are annoyingly glossed over, respectively... they share a common theme: They are now nearly super-human, and survive many things that would easily kill any typical person. Oh, and they also kick some serious ass. :)

I think that's about all I really had to say today.

Fantabulous Weekend!

First, an apology. I can't believe that this has gone stale to the point that it's Tuesday afternoon, and I haven't yet commented on my weekend. I was still fried enough from Saturday (and the subsequent festivities) that after the bus ride home, all I could manage was waiting for half a bottle of aloe to absorbe into my skin. This was promptly followed up by going to the Jay game yesterday (perhaps I was the second most famous person there?) and coming home medium-well, which of course prompted another productive evening.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand!

As I noted below, the band was off to Maxville (a.k.a. the North American Pipe Band Championships) on Thursday night, to stay and practice in Ottawa Friday, and compete (twice) on Saturday. I was ever so slightly worried that my having noted the potential for an excellent result might have jinxed us. Turns out? NOT A CHANCE!

I need to explain something here before I go any further. As much as some might attempt to tell you otherwise, everyone knew who was going to win the Grade 1 contest before they even opened the gates on Saturday morning. That's not to say it wasn't somewhat deserved, but the rest of us at least should have known that we were playing for second. Whatever, any more discussion, and it's going to sound like sour grapes, and really? I couldn't have been happier with second. (which is so counter-intuitive it blows my mind!) Probably the best part of it was being able to share the moment with the gf, with a big kiss in the middle of the field after the announced the results. Of course, as I am prone to repetition when drinking, I ended up laying a wet one on most of the rest of the band after that. But whatever... we were all so damned happy that nobody really seemed to care. After a couple of years of not really getting the results that (we, and many observers felt) we deserved, it was nice to finally get some recognition. It was made sweeter with the fact that my parents also mde the trip.

Just a great trip, and hopefully we can carry the momentum through Fergus and back to Cali (intentional) for a good couple of runs there over Labour Day.

PS: Apologies to those in Ottawa that I promised to call and didn't. I'm an ass. I was just way way too excited when we got back to Ottawa to think about anything other than celebrating with the band. Repeat: I'm an ass. I expect to be up a couple more times within the next month or two, so hopefully we can work something out.... assuming you don't hate me, now. :)

PPS: If I can find any decent YouTube clips, you can be assured that I'm going to post them. Partly for the small segment of interested parties who read here, but largely because I want to!

PPPS: Yes, I totally ripped one of Liz's pics off from Facebook... bite me!

UPDATE (a.k.a. PPPPS): Video of both of our performances is actually on Facebook, and I'm tagged... so if you have me as a friend, you can see it there. If you don't... then, what kind of creep are you reading this shit, anyway??

I hope I remembered to pack my Game Face

So tonight I'm catching a bus up to Ottawa, and while I'm going to get to see my parents and hopefully lots of friends.... the main reason is sort of business.

Saturday we're going to Maxville. And while 364 days each year nobody much cares about this joint out side of Glengarry County unless they were born there, or live there now, on Saturday it is the home of the North American Pipe Band Championships.

In other words, to a very small segment of the population, it's a big deal. However, I'm part of that small segment, so I'm actually a little antsy already. We're one of 5 bands in the Grade 1 contest where only one of the other 4 has placed ahead of us across the board all season.

This could be a triumphant weekend, it could be humbling. Either way, I'm excited to go.

The bus leaves in less than an hour.

I had better stop dicking around here and get on it. :)