T-Money in tha T-Dot
Last night, I went out for what was to be a simple bite to eat with my pseudo-big sister Teresa who was in town from Winnipeg...little did I know...or maybe I should have known.
It all started off simply enough, with a nice Riesling over some Thai food...over which a classic Teresa story came up. Now, she has a tendency to back herself into little corners, and this is a wonderful example of exactly that. So, T$ owns a store in the 'Peg, next to which there is a restaurant owned by an emaciated chain-smoking dude that she is in love with. It all starts off innocently enough when her landlord is in her store, and in an attempt to get him to stop staring at her chest, she tells him that a friend of hers in a picture that she has up is in fact her boyfriend. Doesn't seem like a big deal? Well, somehow this news gets back to the chain-smoker, and now he thinks she's seeing someone, which isn't such a big deal considering that he's got a gf, himself, but then T's birthday comes along... Now, it is at this point that she has made her fake-bf into an actual person, with a job and everything...only "where is he for her birthday?" asks the chain-smoking bone rack. Well, as it turns out, he's getting in late that night...and then has to dash out early the next morning. "Oh, I think you deserve better than that!" says the gaunt chain-smoker. "Well," says Teresa thinking on her feet (always a dangerous thing when you're this deep in a lie), "if he gets in before you close up, we'll come by for a bite and you can tell him that yourself!" Now, that's a pretty blatant lie. And here come more issues.....turns out this guy just lives down the street from her! (how big is the 'Peg, after all?) So now she's worried that he'll notice that nobody comes in at any point that night...as if he's always watching her or something (???!!?)............but whatever... So now she's planning to go back to Winnipeg having broken up with her fake boyfriend while she was in TO, and will hopefully be able to embark on a torrid love affair with this unsuspecting dope. {sigh}
Anyway...after dinner we come back to my place to "keep the party going" and watch a coupla movies. So, after Wedding Crashers and two more bottles of wine, we decide to head out for snacks and such...only, it's like midnight, so there's not a whole lot open, and Lord knows we can't drive anywhere at this point...........so to the Esso station we go!
We get our supplies, and start heading back (did I mention it was brutally cold? like, when you're freezing your asses off bundled up and three bottles of wine in, it's COLD!). At this point (taking a different route back) we notice that there's a pub open!
Worst. Idea. Ever.
Of course, we wander in, like moths to a flame....and T immediately orders two Irish Car Bombs. Lovely. Anyway, we down those, grab a pint, and start chatting with the locals. One by one, they start to leave, and we grab one more pint at last call, of course. By this point, it's just us, the bartender (who's sitting on the patron side of the bar with a pint of her own) and the owner's son, who also works there. Now we start talking about all kinds of weird and random stuff....typical drunken "save the world" kinda stuff....but also U2, of course, seeing as we were in an Irish pub and the bartender was from near Belfast. (incidentally, now our first drink order seems rather assholish....but whatever) We now notice that they've locked the doors, and turned all the outside lights off. Now, the owner's son starts asking what we might want for a drink....on him! So we have another couple of rounds on the house.....and at this point, it's something like 3:30 or 4am, so bid farewell with hugs and such to our new best friends, and stagger back home...where Sideways doesn't get watched, and thankfully no more wine would be necessary, as we pass out on the couch in a pile...
Next thing I know? It's 12:17pm. Oops. Sick day, here I come! But I seeing as I was contemplating a sick day, regardless, I don't feel too bad...
Right now, I'm kinda glad Teresa lives in another province.
It all started off simply enough, with a nice Riesling over some Thai food...over which a classic Teresa story came up. Now, she has a tendency to back herself into little corners, and this is a wonderful example of exactly that. So, T$ owns a store in the 'Peg, next to which there is a restaurant owned by an emaciated chain-smoking dude that she is in love with. It all starts off innocently enough when her landlord is in her store, and in an attempt to get him to stop staring at her chest, she tells him that a friend of hers in a picture that she has up is in fact her boyfriend. Doesn't seem like a big deal? Well, somehow this news gets back to the chain-smoker, and now he thinks she's seeing someone, which isn't such a big deal considering that he's got a gf, himself, but then T's birthday comes along... Now, it is at this point that she has made her fake-bf into an actual person, with a job and everything...only "where is he for her birthday?" asks the chain-smoking bone rack. Well, as it turns out, he's getting in late that night...and then has to dash out early the next morning. "Oh, I think you deserve better than that!" says the gaunt chain-smoker. "Well," says Teresa thinking on her feet (always a dangerous thing when you're this deep in a lie), "if he gets in before you close up, we'll come by for a bite and you can tell him that yourself!" Now, that's a pretty blatant lie. And here come more issues.....turns out this guy just lives down the street from her! (how big is the 'Peg, after all?) So now she's worried that he'll notice that nobody comes in at any point that night...as if he's always watching her or something (???!!?)............but whatever... So now she's planning to go back to Winnipeg having broken up with her fake boyfriend while she was in TO, and will hopefully be able to embark on a torrid love affair with this unsuspecting dope. {sigh}
Anyway...after dinner we come back to my place to "keep the party going" and watch a coupla movies. So, after Wedding Crashers and two more bottles of wine, we decide to head out for snacks and such...only, it's like midnight, so there's not a whole lot open, and Lord knows we can't drive anywhere at this point...........so to the Esso station we go!
We get our supplies, and start heading back (did I mention it was brutally cold? like, when you're freezing your asses off bundled up and three bottles of wine in, it's COLD!). At this point (taking a different route back) we notice that there's a pub open!
Worst. Idea. Ever.
Of course, we wander in, like moths to a flame....and T immediately orders two Irish Car Bombs. Lovely. Anyway, we down those, grab a pint, and start chatting with the locals. One by one, they start to leave, and we grab one more pint at last call, of course. By this point, it's just us, the bartender (who's sitting on the patron side of the bar with a pint of her own) and the owner's son, who also works there. Now we start talking about all kinds of weird and random stuff....typical drunken "save the world" kinda stuff....but also U2, of course, seeing as we were in an Irish pub and the bartender was from near Belfast. (incidentally, now our first drink order seems rather assholish....but whatever) We now notice that they've locked the doors, and turned all the outside lights off. Now, the owner's son starts asking what we might want for a drink....on him! So we have another couple of rounds on the house.....and at this point, it's something like 3:30 or 4am, so bid farewell with hugs and such to our new best friends, and stagger back home...where Sideways doesn't get watched, and thankfully no more wine would be necessary, as we pass out on the couch in a pile...
Next thing I know? It's 12:17pm. Oops. Sick day, here I come! But I seeing as I was contemplating a sick day, regardless, I don't feel too bad...
Right now, I'm kinda glad Teresa lives in another province.
posted by Iain @ 6:26 PM
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