"Who To Do"

So with St. Paddy's Day not too far in the rearview mirror, and the pending Cancun Catastrophy on the horizon, I decided to slow things down this weekend to catch up on some much needed sleep, laundry, excercise and TV....in that order. But since the first three are boring as all shit to write (and read) about, I will have to go with TV.

As I am sitting there on Saturday night, with Toronto @ Montreal well in hand (Hip Hip Huet! ...by far the best sign I've seen in a while), and Memphis absolutely killing themselves again UCLA to the point that I am honestly wondering if the "fix" was in (dangerous length of the court passes are ALWAYS the best way to come back from 10 point down, aren't they??), I started flipping around....and lo and behold, what do I find on Much? A rerun of the 2005 "Who To Do" list. Thankfully, it was the women they were listing...and so my sports watching for the evening was officially over... on to the list, with appropriate catty remarks as necessary:

1. Rachel McAdams: Seems about right...but I honestly fell for her in Wedding Crashers when she was a brunette. Maybe that's just me, but I like her WAY better with dark hair.
   
2. Jessica Alba: Again, exactly zero complaints.
3. Hilary Duff: Um, WHAT?!? You're kidding, right?
   
4. Avril Lavigne: Nope, apparently NOT!
   
5. Ciara: Is it too much to ask to have some people in at least their 20's?!?
   
6. Rachel Bilson: Fair enough. She seems fiesty...but is apparently an L.A. Clippers fan...I'm not sure what to think anymore...
   
7. Jessica Simpson: Blah. Starting to remind me of Pam. And no, that's not a good thing.
   
8. Gwen Stefani: Thank you. She's just the type that always makes me stop flipping past...even though I tend to agree with her hubby Gavin that her music is shite.
   
9. Sienna Miller: Jude Law, you stupid, stupid, stupid man....
   
10. Lindsay Lohan: She was WAY hotter when you couldn't count her vertebrae. Apparently she has reacquainted herself with food, but I haven't seen any real proof of that yet... Oh, also not nearly as attractive as a blonde.
    
11. Evangeline Lilly: I had no idea who she was...but wow. I clearly need to get out more.
    
12. Scarlett Johansson: Just fabulous. Should most certainly be higher!
    
13. Rihanna: Music, excellent. But again with the verging on too skinny.
    
14. Ashlee Simpson: Well, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that likes the younger less talented (and that's saying something) sister... Not to sound like a broken record, as I do not discriminate between hair colours, but she should have kept the black. Seriously.
    
15. Keira Knightley: One of Britain's greatest exports! And a pretty damned good actress, to boot!
    
16. Jessica Biel: She can kick my ass anytime...
    
17. Fergie from Black Eyed Peas: Again, I will always stop flipping when I see a BEP video. She would likely qualify for "Hotter because she's talented" if she wasn't so damned hot to begin with! Sometimes life is unfair.
    
18. Mariah Carey: Oh, I didn't notice it was 1993 again.
    
19. Natalie Portman: Did they maybe get 3 and 4 mixed up with 19 and 20?
    
20. Beyoncé: I'm thinking they did.
    

And now so that nobody bitches about equal time, and at the risk of sounding gay, this is how the guys went...

1. Jake Gyllenhaal: I'll buy it.
2. Ryan Gosling: Sure, why not.
3. Pierre Bouvier (from Simple Plan): You have to be kidding me.
4. Usher: That's fair.
5. Adam Brody: Seriously? Since when does "Who To Do" count "funny but awkward" as a big plus? I don't get it.
6. Brandon Flowers (The Killers): Kinda out of leftfield, but I can dig it.
7. Kanye West: Apparently an enormous attitude is "in" these days....like, the guy's talented, but hot? Really?
8. Ryan Reynolds: Solid choice.
9. Joel Madden (Good Charlotte): What? N'uh uh.
10. Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance): No idea...and fuct if I'm going to Google him.
11. Chad Michael Murray: Ditto.
12. Jared Padalecki from Supernatural: And that makes three in a row.
13. Orlando Bloom: Okay, seriously......13? Who was asleep at the switch here?
14. Jesse McCartney: Talk about a guy who just strikes me as a pussy. But, he does do a couple of decent tunes... I'll bet James Blunt could kick his ass, tho.
15. Johnny Depp: See my comment for Mr. Bloom, but replace "13" with "15".
16. Justin Timberlake: Is he really relevant anymore?
17. Jacob Hoggard (Hedley): No clue.
18. Massari: Always struck me as funny looking.
19. Pharrell Williams: Seemed to me like he could get any woman he wanted. Apparently only #19. Maybe this is why I'm a guy.
20. Billie Joe Armstrong (Green Day): Bad teeth rule the day, I guess...?