Can I be serious for a moment?

Now, I've always kind of lived my life under the premise that I want everyone to like me, pretty much regardless of whether I even much care for them. I don't know what it is, but I really can't stand it when people don't like me or are mad at me. I wish I knew why, and really, I think it's a pretty clear sign of insecurity, but whatever. I've been known to be pretty full of myself now and then, so how insecure can I really be?

Anyway, when I know that things aren't cool between me and, well, just about anybody.... it weighs on me. Whether it be a close friend or realtive, or even a pretty superficial acquiantnace, I can't help but want to try and make it right. Sometimes I have to wait a while, but more often than not I get to find out that I just made a big deal in my mind about nothing. Then there are the times when I'm dealing with one of the few others I know who also think about and relive the past on the same ridiculous level that I do when it's just nice to clear the air.... but then there are the people that you've lost touch with, or don't see very often, and you're just not really sure how things stand. [yes, I note the change from first to second person... bear with me] You start thinking about why things might not be great, or worse, you know exactly why things might be tense the next time you see them.

For this, believe it or not, but I've been able to take solace in (of all things... don't laugh) a Nickleback lyric, or rather series of lyrics, that kind of sum up my feelings:

Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
That we could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now

Now, I'm sure you're sitting back thinking... "Lovely, how quaint... the boy thinks that he can win anyone over or back, no matter how he may have wronged them, or how he left things, regardless of how fucked up it might have been"..... and you're only half right.

I used to think that.

I've realized just how stupid that sentiment is, now. Because in this life, you can't control everything. You just can't. There's no way. If anything, I guess I've grown wise enough to employ the old quote:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Sometimes you just can't fix things. And the sooner you accept them, the sooner you can move on with your life.

You know, like everyone else does.