Why My Job Is Hilarious

Things heard this afternoon:

Steve (grabbing at Maira's lunch): Oh, sorry... that was a big piece of chicken.
Maira: You just touched my food with your hand! Take it!
Steve: Don't worry... I just went to the bathroom.
Maira: [astonished]
Steve: NO! I mean I just washed them!!

Maira: Did anyone see who won "So You Think You Can Dance?" last night?
Steve (looks at the contestants, noting that there are both guys and girls): Guys dancing? Why would you want to watch guys dance? What's the point of guys dancing?!?
Me: Picking up girls.

Maira (licks a piece of her chicken): Here, you want a piece?
Me: Um, no.
Maira (licks it twice more): What about now?
Me: That honestly wasn't supposed to make me want it more, was it? (grabs another piece when she's not looking)