Quibbles with the people at Much

Okay, so after watching a special one-time return of Electric Circus (seriously, that used to be a staple of my Sunday afternoons...), I caught a rebroadcast of MuchMusic's Hottest Girls of 2006, and never being one to shy away with my opininons, they were waaaaaaaaaaaay off....

First, the various honourable mentions and up and comers they noted periodically during the show... I don't want to mess up my pretty list (or stream of ranting) once I get going...

Didn't Quite Make It:

Pink. Well, d'uh. She scares me. And not in the good way... Hm. Maybe that's part of Amy Lee's appeal?

Ashley Simpsons. I like her better than Jessica, actually. But whatever. Jessica always gets rated too highly in these things for reasons I'll get to when she almost assuredly comes up later.

Carmen Electra. A little past it. Still hot, but getting up there. Not suggesting I wouldn't still tap that... geez... I'm not gay... I'm just saying, given some of the talent below, she's not exactly #1 anymore.

Shakira. I'll save you the obvious joke about the honesty of her hips, and move on to something else.... I had no idea how amazingly hot her voice is. She could recite the alphabet and probably still sound hot. Gotta find me some more Columbians to test this theory.........

Up and Comers:

Lillix. Huh... the whole band? Yeah, actually, the whole band... I'm going to openly credit Melissa for the fact that I knew who they were like 6 or 7 years ago. She gave me the heads up on the cute factor.... and she's still right.

Cherish. Again with the band thing.... Oh well. Basically the same deal wrt the cute thing, except they're sisters. I'm not sure I'm totally comfortable voicing my opinion on that in a semi-public forum, so I'll move on....

The list!!

20. Kelis. Famous for being Nas's bitch and nothing more. She has about as much talent the desk I'm sitting at.... although maybe I'm slandering the desk, as it's doing a pretty admirable job of being a desk.

19. Mischa Barton. Um.... I'll let Matte Babel (the fucking host - who I tended to agree with a lot along the way, fwiw) take this one: "Maybe it's just me.. but someone needs to get this girl some Twinkies."

18. Keshia Chanté. Canadian girl, but oddly stumpy looking. Giant head for such a small body. I think she's like 5'-1", but the last 10" is all head. Still kinda cute. Maybe I have a midget thing.... but her hands don't seem overly small....... and until I get one of those TVs you can smell through, I guess this will be an on-going mystery. Anyway, total Can-Con pick.

17. Anne Hathaway. Can't really argue with this one. Wow does she ever have Heather Graham eyes. This is a good thing.

16. Paris Hilton. I'm not even going to dignify this with a remark... well, other than "blekk".

15. Xtina. No argument here. Except that it's a travesty that she's so low. Maybe they penalized her for her boob job? I have no idea.

14. Avril. We are officially in the part of the list where they are just referred to by one name. And I am again roundly disappointed with their choice for Can-Con. Shame on you MuchMusic.

13. Mariah. As long as she's on her meds, I think she's great. Actually talented, and refusing to conform to the stickbug body, even though her earlier career shows she can do it if she so chooses. Good for her.

12. Rachel McAdams. Now THIS is some Can-Con I can sink my teeth (among other things) into! Yum. But I like her (better) as a brunette. And what the hell is she doing slumming all the way down here, anyway? Wasn't she #1 last year? If someone so much as suggests that she has lost it, by God I'm not responsible for what I might do.

11. I have no idea. I got distracted by the Assman/Fusili Jerry episode on Fox. But my guess, judging from the pics they flashed before the commercial break, is that it was Amy Lee. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking........ oh well. If you go back a few weeks you can get my thoughts on her. Unfortunately, I can't go to their show on Sunday night..... Bah.

10. I suspect this was Rachel Bilson, but I'm not entirely sure. I just flipped back in time to see a couple of quick shots.....

9. Beyoncé. Yeah, she's still amazingly hot, and I'm sure she could still kill you Xenya-style (from Goldeneye), which does rank as about the best way to die.... but she's approaching "obviously Thriller/Stairway to Heaven's going to be the top video/rock song of all time" status. There's still nothing wrong, it's just getting old. Yes, she's younger than me. Shut up.

8. Keira Knightly. I'll buy it, but I still think she could use a sammich....

7. Cassie. Yaouza. Good call. Kind of an unexpected one here, but damn. Again, good call!

6. Nicole Scherzinger. Sweet merciful crap. I can't even put her into words. She has without a doubt made any Pussycat Dolls video a full stop on my channel surfing. Hell, I'll even listen to them on the radio cuz it reminds me of the videos. I'm not sure I can discuss this rationally....

5. Jessica Simpson. Full stop. What? No. I'll admit that her new rollerskating video is kinda cool, and she looks great in it...... but she's SUCH a two-face! From one angle, she's gorgeous... and from another, her chin makes her look like Sgt. Slaughter!! I can't get past that. Oh, and she's by all accounts a complete moron, too. That doesn't help.

4. Jessica Alba. People shouldn't be allowed to be this cute. It's almost unfair. Now, time to be nitpicky: She's thin, bordering on skinny. She could gain 20-30 pounds and still make this list, in my mind.

3. Nelly Furtado. Again with the Can-Con, huh? Like, she does deserve to be here... what with her transformation from cute to sexpot under Timbaland's direction, but three? Really?

2. Fergie. Wow. Um, no. For the record? Babel agrees with me here, too, saying, "I can see what some guys see in her, but I can't see her being this high on the list." Again, the fucking host said that. How did they made this list, anyway? Random draw?

1. Rihanna. I'll buy that. She makes me want to hit up the Caribbean even more....