Battle of the Babes

I'm not sure "babes" is the best term in the world for the following, but I spent some time in gridlock this morning (yay Toronto!!) listening to the "Top 7 at 7" symultaneously on a couple of stations, and the parallels between Gwen Stefani and Stacey "Fergie" Ferguson started to become painfully obvious. So much so, that I started comparing different aspects of them in my mind, and once I started snickering, I decided that I needed to get this on "paper" to decide a winner... and, well, if this isn't at least a little amusing, then you get a first hand look at how easily amused I can be without coffee in my system.... so, without further ado...........

Gwen vs. Fergie!

Original Group:
No Doubt, or the Black Eyed Peas? Hard to say. Different genres are hard to compare, but I'm going to try. One could argue that No Doubt had a bigger single hit ("Don't Speak") than BEP, but I think BEP has had more hits in general. No Doubt had a longer run before fizzling out.
Slight Edge: Gwen

Least Painfully Annoying Solo Music:
This is like choosing between the gallows and a firing squad. I'll give Gwen credit for sampling musicals, whereas almost all of Fergie's singles to-date are rip-offs that sound like old songs.
Edge: Gwen

Use of Featured Artists:
Really, all of Fergie's singles feature the other members of BEP, but I mean more the actual people that get credited. Fergie's new one, "Glamorous" has Luda prominently featured, whereas Gwen completely underuses the white-hot Akon in "Sweet Escape". The fact that Gwen also once used Eve actually counts as a strike against her.
Edge: Fergie

Choice of Solo Genre:
Fergie just went with a more poppy, radio friendly version of the same stuff BEP did. Safe, but stick to what you're good at. Gwen, after a good run in the rock field, decided to try and become the first commercially successful female rapper. That shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S (sorry, I had to). And equally annoying.
Edge: Fergie

Voice:
Not even close. Gwen's chops were proven back with No Doubt, even though she never uses them anymore, you know she can sing.
Big Edge: Gwen

Body:
I have no idea what an addiction to crystal meth does to your body, exactly, but considering it made her piss herself on stage, I'm not sure that's good. So no matter how "up in the gym just workin' on [her] fitness" Fergie might be, what's on the inside scares me a lot. Forget the outside. Bonus points for Gwen getting back to her previous fitness level so quickly after giving birth. I will retract this if I ever hear that she got a tummy tuck during a C-section, or any other bullshit like that, but for now....
Edge: Gwen

Significant Other:
Gwen is married to former Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale, who apparently doesn't like her music, and didn't like No Doubt. Next time you sell 10 records, we'll care what you think, Gavin. I have no idea if Fergie is dating anyone, but she has to get points for it not being a douchebag like Gavin Rossdale.
Edge: Fergie

Style:
You probably think that since Gwen has her own designer clothing line that she will win this section. Well, if you think that, you haven't seen anything in the LAMB line. It's all hideous. And she is quickly approaching Mischa Barton-level trainwreck with what she wears herself. Fergie, however is quite the trainwreck in her own right.
Edge: Even

Dancing:
Not even close. Fergie can move pretty well, when she's not hammered on giant heels. Gwen, however, admits that she can't follow choreography, which I suspect is why she has dancers.
Big Edge: Fergie

speaking of which.........

Non-singing, dancing sidekicks:
Most people have heard about Gwen's Harajuku Girls, oddly named Love, Angel, Music and Baby.... but I can't help but notice Fergie's anonymous, ponytail and sunglass wearing female bodyguards/back-up dancers. They scare me. A lot. Almost in a good way, but not quite. For being non-threatening....
Edge: Gwen

Final Tally? Hm... Gwen edged her 6 to 5 1/2. I bet Fergie'd win a real fight, tho...