Old people are funny because they say things to get reactions out of you...
... but sometimes they're deadly serious, but just using a hint of Devil's Advocate in order to make more extreme statements.
Now, I don't know if this is a bad idea to bring up, or if I'm opening a can of worms I don't meant to here, as judging from the other side of this discussion, some people have very very strong feelings about these types of things... but here we go, anyway.......
Earlier this week, one of the older guys in our office (age: 76) somehow managed to get himself into a discussion with a young lady in the office (age: 26) about weddings. With her wedding pending, she was going on about how it pissed her off that her husband was being a dick about stuff when it came to wedding planning. Basically, he wanted nothing to do with it.
The old guy took ahold of this, and started pressing.... Why do you need all this crap? Why do you need a big ring? An expensive dress? A big white limo? 300 or 400 people? Does any of that really matter? If you really love the guy, you should be willing to marry him with none of that fanfare, just with a minister and witnesses, and that should be enough.
Her argument being that they could afford it, so why not?
He started going on about women who demand to have this and that, and how it starts being more about the wedding than about the marriage. Even going so far as to say that he has been to enough weddings that he can tell with (in his opinion) 80% accuracy if the marriage will last just from the wedding. Too big means that it is sure to fail, as the bride was more caught up in getting married and having a big wedding than she was with the gentleman beside her.
When they attempted to drag me into it, I argued that they weren't arguing the same point.
She was just saying that since they can afford this stuff, why not? It's not her main priority, she'd just kinda like to have it. I guess he was arguing that it wasn't necessary, no matter your financial situation, but the reality is that people will pay for perceived excess if they can afford to.
I guess my point here, is that I couldn't help but think while I was on my way home, that if you truly love someone, the idea of marriage shouldn't be about the chance to have some huge wedding... it should be about two people agreeing to (hopefully) spend their lives together. And whether that happens with a JOP at City Hall on a Wednesday afternoon, or with great pomp and circumstance, it should always be secondary to the fact that two people are getting married.
Always.
PS: I'm just going to avoid the old guy's argument about white wedding dresses.........
PPS: Oh, and rings, too. :)
Now, I don't know if this is a bad idea to bring up, or if I'm opening a can of worms I don't meant to here, as judging from the other side of this discussion, some people have very very strong feelings about these types of things... but here we go, anyway.......
Earlier this week, one of the older guys in our office (age: 76) somehow managed to get himself into a discussion with a young lady in the office (age: 26) about weddings. With her wedding pending, she was going on about how it pissed her off that her husband was being a dick about stuff when it came to wedding planning. Basically, he wanted nothing to do with it.
The old guy took ahold of this, and started pressing.... Why do you need all this crap? Why do you need a big ring? An expensive dress? A big white limo? 300 or 400 people? Does any of that really matter? If you really love the guy, you should be willing to marry him with none of that fanfare, just with a minister and witnesses, and that should be enough.
Her argument being that they could afford it, so why not?
He started going on about women who demand to have this and that, and how it starts being more about the wedding than about the marriage. Even going so far as to say that he has been to enough weddings that he can tell with (in his opinion) 80% accuracy if the marriage will last just from the wedding. Too big means that it is sure to fail, as the bride was more caught up in getting married and having a big wedding than she was with the gentleman beside her.
When they attempted to drag me into it, I argued that they weren't arguing the same point.
She was just saying that since they can afford this stuff, why not? It's not her main priority, she'd just kinda like to have it. I guess he was arguing that it wasn't necessary, no matter your financial situation, but the reality is that people will pay for perceived excess if they can afford to.
I guess my point here, is that I couldn't help but think while I was on my way home, that if you truly love someone, the idea of marriage shouldn't be about the chance to have some huge wedding... it should be about two people agreeing to (hopefully) spend their lives together. And whether that happens with a JOP at City Hall on a Wednesday afternoon, or with great pomp and circumstance, it should always be secondary to the fact that two people are getting married.
Always.
PS: I'm just going to avoid the old guy's argument about white wedding dresses.........
PPS: Oh, and rings, too. :)
posted by Iain @ 4:15 PM
4 Comments:
At 5:39 PM,
Ian said…
I agree with you about in the end it should be about two people agreeing to spend their lives together.
My question is this: Is she pissed at her husband because he's not being helpful or is she pissed because he doesn't agree with her?
If she's pissed at his disinterest then she obviously doesn't understand that this is her wedding and no one really cares about the groom (this is true - even when I went to buy my kilt the moment I mentioned wedding the store staff started addressing Maya primarily - Maya might disagree but it's true!). The soon-to-be-husband's job in the marriage process is a lot of nodding in agreement and supportive statements.
If, otoh, she's just pissed that he has a spine well then maybe she should be more clear as to her expectations of what the wedding needs to be...
Option 3 is that he really is being a right bastard but when it comes to wedding planning... I have my doubts.
I have been fairly lucky to get my own way on a few things wedding related but I think that has more to do with a)Maya and I having similar taste and b)Maya's lack of preconceived notions about what her wedding would look like.
At 6:15 PM,
Iain said…
Her major concern was that he didn't care, and dared to say, "Why do we need to have a wedding, anyway?"
Then she got into a bunch of stuff about how she shouldn't have to do things on the cheap if he isn't willing to skimp on a car, etc.
I got the feeling this was more a fight with her husband-to-be than with the old dude....
At 6:33 PM,
Unknown said…
I agree with your (Iain) opinion. It's true, once retailers find out that we're looking for wedding things they TOTALLY ignore Ian, which isn't right. He's quite opinionated. However, the whole "it's the bride's day" thing really pisses me off. It's not like this will be the defining moment in my life but not my future husbands. It's not like I'm going to be more married than Ian.
The whole reason for the wedding gets lost. I mean if they put daisies instead of orchids on a cake table I'm not going to go ape shit. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter.
At 6:35 PM,
Iain said…
Maya: You have no idea how (seemingly) uncommon the stance you have taken can be.
Ian: You're one lucky dude. But I think you knew that already. :)
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