Days 7 & 8: This is The End

I'm going to condense our last two days, as they were basically one big day, much like the Friday/Saturday before we left...or some such.

Anyway, we awake and over breakfast (yes, over breakfast) Jon enlightens us that he has not pooed since the previous day before going to Cozumel. That would be about noon, or so, so we're coming up on 24 hours. He feels like he wants to poo, but he just can't. At this point he admits that he ate about a dozen Imodiums (Imodia? Imodii? can I get a verdict?) over Wednesday and Thursday, and is starting to be concerned about his long term ability to ever poo again.

We ignore him and go to the beach. Seemed like the logical next step, really... We're also kind of looking for Greg's buddy Eric, as Greg's hasty departure also kind of screwed Eric for some SCUBA they had been planning on Thursday... but we aren't looking very hard, as we're pretty sure that finding him will result in one of us having to cough up $50US to cover the rest of the money Greg owed him. Whatever.

So we spent the entire afternoon snoozing on the beach. Nothing much happened, as we were pretty beat at this point...

Skipping ahead, when we get back to the resort for dinner, Jon and I decide to go into the pool. Now, the only time any of us had been in the pool previously was when Mike and I went in sometime around 5am after we heard Jon and Greg's story about the boat, as I guess we were put in a swimming mood by the story, or some ridiculous thing.... Anyway, needless to say at 5am, the pool was closed, and security was surprisingly nice about telling us this. And also telling us that the pool opens at 7, and we can come back then. Now, knowing that there was no earthly way that any of us would be up early enough that the pool's opening time would be of any real consequence, I wanted to know when it closed..... Now if you want high comedy, try getting some guy who's half in the bag attempting to ask a Mexican security guard who speaks exactly zero English what time the pool closes using only hand signals and gestures. Mike may have laughed a lot...

Anyway, back to our current point in the timeline. As we're swimming, Eric comes by, and Jon puts another 50 on Greg's tab...and we tell him, since his flight's leaving in the morning, too, and his buddy Jean-Marc went home Wednesday, he should come and party with us!

So we grab dinner, where we see the people we scared away with the dead hooker talk. We decide to try and do it again. It works! Yes, we're evil. Then we go finish up all our souvenir/present buying...which actually proves relatively painless, believe it or not...... I guess having walked the street about a billion times during the week pretty much gave us an idea of exactly what was there.....either that or we had lost our collective will to live...... whatever...

We run into Eric while we're out, and so we all head back to the resort to get down to business. One fortunate thing is that Eric is kinda burned out on most drinks, too... so we ended up drinking the bar out of Clamato in about two rounds of caesars, and end up drinking some funny beer-based concoction which struck me as basically a shandy with salt around the rim, and lemon.... oh, and of course a couple rounds of Tequila "Boom-boom" for old times' sake...

I was starting to be glad to leave this Tequila infested country.... grrr...

Anyway, we're beat and just as we're about to turn in (it's about midnight, and we have a make-up call scheduled for 6am) when Jon catches a tidbit from an adjacent conversation...

Random Guy: "Yeah, I took a snowmobile, a truck, a train, and a plane to get here!"
Jon (interjecting): "Where the hell are you from? Moosonee?"
RG (a bit startled): "Almost.... Moose Factory, actually!"
Jon: "Yer, kidding!"
Iain (thinking): Fuck...we're never getting outta here, now........

So naturally, they exchange pleasantries and such....and as they do so, we find out that the guy that Mr. Moose Factory was talking to also drives trains.... in Holland.

He and Jon just about cum in their pants talking about the similarities and differences between the trains they get to drive, the speed, the size, the number and weight of cars......etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum............

I never knew how little I knew about trains. I now know far more than I likely ever wanted or needed to. Well, not anymore....I think I blocked it out, but at the time? Man, I could have passed myself off as someone who knows something no problem....

During the traintalk, I get talking to Mr. Moose Factory and his gf, and it turns out that she lives like 5 minutes from me. We shop at the same Sobey's at weird hours because we hate lines... this certainly qualifies as a pretty big "WATFO"!

So around 3:30am, Jon and I decide that perhaps we should turn in...what with the 6am wake-up, and all (Mike had ducked out a bit earlier)... so we go back to our room, and we recall that we still need to pack. Oops...

By about 4 or so, I turn in.

6:00 Wake-up call.
7:00 We stagger down, bags packed, for breakfast.
7:15 Check out.
7:25 Bus was supposed to arrive.
7:40 Bus arrives.
8:30 Airport.
8:31 I remember the level of small town folks I'm dealing with.....
9:30 Jon continues to proclaim that he hasn't pooed since Thursday, and would in fact like to.
10:00 I poo...almost out of spite.
10:30 We start screwing with Jon, as he has been mentioning how much he wants to poo about every 3.8 seconds... Mike reminds him how unhealthy not pooing is, and suggests that he might need to get a C-section if he doesn't poo soon. Mike then hypothesizes that it might be shaped like a traffic cone, and he won't even be able to get it out! The topic of C-section is revisited, and we discuss logistics.
11:00 Plane.
4:00 Toronto.... we deplane. I think I just wanted to type that.
4:45 For reasons I will never comprehend (check the 8:31am note above for some explanation...?), when Jon is asked by customs why he was in Mexico, instead of saying something normal like "vacation", he says "drinking and partying!" Needless to say, he is detained. Of course, this is the same guy who when pulled over and asked if he knew how fast he was going said that his spedometer might be on the fritz, and so he wasn't sure. When the cop told him 135, Jon replied that his spedometer was in fact working just fine... so maybe I shouldn't be shocked in any way.
5:30 While attemting to rent a car from a company they knew exists in New Liskeard, Jon has to call his dad to look up the phone number of the place to give to the moron behind the desk at Pearson. Welcome back to Canada!!
6:00 After dropping me off at home, Mike and Jon set a new landspeed record on their return up north, and I make a similar trip to Kingston.

Good times.

Okay, so that's about it....thanks for indulging me. :)

PS: Two things....

1. Sorry for not having any more pictures for this post.....I ran out of film.
2. Yes, I'll admit it, I did keep some (minimal) notes in order to be able to piece everything together... but in my defence, it was one piece of hotel stationnary with little bullet points, not exactly prose... so a startling amount of this is coming from my actual mind/memory. Makes me think the drinks were watered down.........