Actual video evidence!

Okay, so the sound and picture quality is a bit iffy... and they're not exactly in sync, anyway.... but since this is my first time being featured on YouTube I feel I have to post it.

Also, it's a chance for a lot of people to see exactly what it is I "do" at a highland games. Maybe some pieces will start to come together? Maybe you'll think I'm nuts....

Either way, I'm the third piper to the left of the Pipe Major (that's the dude tapping his foot).

More reasons to watch Video on Trial!

If you've missed her.... well, that's your loss......

May I present my favourite judge: Nicole Arbour...

Fuck you, Greg....

I know, I'm the advocate of the "You Are Your Own Liquor Control Board" way of doing things.... but when I look at my coffee table covered in beer bottles, the dribbles of coke left in the 2L bottle that was mixed with a bunch of rye and a receipt from the Galway.... I can't help but think that I wouldn't have (likely) done that had Greg not been passing though last night.

I am still hungover. It's 7:41pm as I type this.

Not cool.

I'm better now, but for most of the day, I had the "full-body, ice pick through the temples, just wish I could die"-level hangover. I haven't been hungover like that in months. I'm not even kidding. I spent most of the day screaming "FUCK" every time I got into my car, just to release a little pain.

Oh, did I mention I was also in meetings all morning, had lunch with a client and a contractor, got a call for a minor disaster at site before I even left home, and generally had to be productive today?

Yeah.

I should likely also mention that I woke up on the couch, still fully clothed, at about 8:30.

I'd like to say that I learned an important lesson today... that perhaps I need to stop going out with students who have no class the following day and people that don't work until 5pm........ but I'm pretty sure if this were Vegas, the book would have taken the odds of me actually learning anything from this off the board already.

My New Favourite Term:

In a cocaine heartbeat.

My ears should be bleeding....

...but they aren't..?

I listen to crap nowadays... a couple of weeks ago Brian actually asked me what I've been listening to lately, and I didn't have the heart to tell him... I've mostly been listening to the radio, and I've reached the point that I enjoy all the same music I once railed against and mercilessly ridiculed. I feel so dirty.

And I don't know when it happened, which scares me most.

Is the next stop soft rock? Am I destined for adult contemporary? I can only hope that this is a phase brought on by laziness.... but at the same time, I fear the worst....

I worry for my own sanity.

A lot.

TMQ is Topical!

While reading the always random, yet quotable, TMQ this evening... and having discovered the proverbial second edge to the sword known as the "cell phone work pays for" (that is, while you don't pay for it, everyone has your number, and feels they have to right to call you at times like 7:17am), the following hit home....

"The Progress Paradox" first argues that nearly every aspects of Western life is improving, then speculates about why "life gets better but people feel worse." A recent study by researchers including Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize winner, and Alan Kruger, one of the leading names in behavior economics, adds new detail on that question. The study found that the well-off are no happier than others; that as income rises, so does tension and anger; that "people exaggerate the contribution of income to happiness."

Kahneman, Krueger and their collaborators also offer a vital insight -- that happiness comes from choosing time over money, but most Americans choose money over time. "Leisure is better for happiness than increased income," they argue, supposing that time spent in travel, having new experiences, relaxing, hiking, reading, or simply looking up at the stars is more important to our sense of well-being than a new car or impressive house. Unless you are in a bad financial situation, Kahneman and Krueger recommend you spend less time working, accept somewhat lower income, and use your freed hours to experience life. Barbara Bush memorably said that no one on his or her deathbed has ever regretted not staying later at the office, while many regret failing to spend more time with family and friends.

I'll add another suggestion on why time is more important to happiness than money: Because time is far more precious. Money that has been used up can be replaced; you can always get at least some additional money, and in principle can get huge amounts of additional money. Your time on Earth, on the other hand, is limited and irreplaceable. You might add somewhat to your time on Earth by taking care of your health -- and that's an excellent idea, but there are no guarantees you won't be hit by a bus anyway. We all must surrender some of our time for work to acquire income. But those who obsessively chase maximum material possessions give up something precious and fleeting, namely time, in order to acquire something that cannot make them happy, namely money.

Nerdiness from Sonya....

They can't be serious... can they?

Oh my fucking gawd... this is beyond belief. There are no words.

Okay, at least I have no words. I'll let Graham, who told me about this, have the last word... and while I'm not going to get into the shit he has gone on record as being "funny", but suffice to say, I have more than a few friends who laugh harder at "Funny-Tragic" than "Funny-Haha"... and he just might be the one that makes my skin crawl with the greatest regularity.....

...and he said, "Yeah, I'm pretty racy when it comes to humour, but I may start to acknowledge the presence of a line."

Seriously, read some of the details. Like, I'm all for making a point, but back the fuck down, man....

EDIT: Okay, they did....

At this moment in time....

I spent the middle of today baking in the sun on Parliament Hill, while listenting to some pretty heavy shit.

Today was the Canadian Police Memorial in Ottawa, and was the premise for the band's trip there.

I have to say that I think my allergies were acting up a bit when I heard about people my age, and younger, dying in the line of duty. Officers leaving behind 5 and 7 year old kids... even a 9 month old in one case. Hearing about the lives of 11 people I had never met who died serving their country and communities is pretty moving stuff.

Kinda puts things into perspective.

New Levels of Awkward

Watching Super Troopers on a bus full of cops....

Good call on that one, Andrew, seriously... that wasn't weird at all.

Jebus....

Only in Glasgow...

Pierre-Laurent Aimard, the pianist who was heckled at the Proms this week for playing too slowly, can console himself that it could have been worse...........

At a concert in Glasgow last year, the pop star Bono started chanting: "Every time......I clap my hands.....a child in Africa ......starves to death......"

A Glaswegian heckler piped up: "Stop f***in' doing it then!"

Coolest. Thing. Ever.

Now, I've piped at Roy Thompson Hall, the closing of Maple Leaf Gardens, the Skydome (several times) and about a million other places under all kinds of circumstances......

BUT!

Tonight was by FAR the coolest moment I've had performing as a piper. And I'm not sure it's even close.

To lead a mini-band out onto the stage of a throbbing, pulsating crowd that can barely hold itself back, and then to get a cheer over which you can't even hear the three-beat roll from the drummers to play out is just beyond fucking belief. The rush was just incredible.

AND! We all got to meet the band, get a picture with them, and have a few beers. Good freakin' times.

I have pictures on my phone. I'll post those later, if for no other reason than to make Berns jealous.... :)

PS: Did I mention Bad Religion closed the show? Yeah.... well, they did.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot... Unless Nobody Notices......

So I'm talking to one of the foremen for one of the contractors at the jobsite...

Foreman: So you can see how this flange is Sch. 40, and the pipe is Sch. 160. There are no Sch. 160 2" flanges, so we can't just change out the flange.
Me: And we need the Sch. 160 pipe, because it's going to be welded to the tank wall.
Foreman: Yeah.... so what do you want us to do? We can make it work, if we have to.
Me: Well, if you could jig something up, that would be perfect.

The foreman was black. Thankfully, there was no reaction....

And if you don't know what I'm talking about, then you're just not up on your racial slurs... which, I guess, is a good thing.........

Live while you're alive....

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a shit?"

Saving the Bankrupt Airlines

My suggestion: Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every heterosexual businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. Hell, I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services."

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right-- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

This Just In: I'm Cool!

You're likely thinking to yourself, "Yes, Iain... we know..... why are you stating the obvious?" ...well, here's why:

I'm going to be piping the Dropkick Murphys on stage at the Docks Friday night!

Apparently they get local pipers to do this, and thanks to the fact that some of the people in Lynda's band know the Dropkick's manager (or something like that), I ended up getting the call.

We also apparently get free beer, get to watch the show from backstage, and might even be able to scam a t-shirt out of this.

I am positively tickled!

Wow, that's really a kinda gay way to describe it, but I'm in a good enough mood that I don't give a shit. :)

Should this make me feel weird?

I don't know why, but somehow I feel odd being "the guy in charge".

It's not that I don't feel qualified, although I do feel a little lost with regards to the new project I'm working on, but time will pass and I'll figure things out... it's more that I feel weird being the guy that all of these grown men... husbands, fathers, grandfathers, etc. all come to for answers. And really, that's not even the biggest thing. I can handle that. I've (mostly) got my shit together....

It's the ass-kissing that weirds me out. Like, at first I thought people were just being nice, but now I think they're kissing my ass. And it creeps me out to no end.

I am not someone whose ass should be getting kissed. I'm not important. Believe it or not, I'm not nearly full enough of myself to think I deserve any treatment like this. I just want you to get your shit done, and really, kissing my ass is only slowing things down

Or maybe this is one of those "my diamond shoes are too tight" complaints.....

PS: I can assure you this is about the farthest thing from false modesty possible.

Weekend Ramblings

Some random thoughts looking back at the weekend, while attempting to dry out from the (seemingly short) run in from the car....

Calls from Ritual on Friday afternoon are cool cuz it makes you feel missed, but at the same time are infuriating because you're stuck in a meeting when they happen.

Calls from Ritual start to get hilarious when people call (in all honesty) looking for you... "I can't see you anywhere... give me a call, and tell me where you are." When the response is a Petro-Canada office in Oakville, that's not what they were hoping to hear....

People in Barrie are nice. Random tow trucks will happily give you a boost in Tim Horton's parking lots and refuse cash, or even a coffee. Restores your faith in humanity. [Note: not my car... it has been through enough lately that if the battery went, I'd have likely set fire to it right then and there]

I can see how people like driving boats. They're fun. They're especially fun when you're out on the water, and one passenger asks, "Do you even have your boating license?"... but before you can answer, the owner of the bost chimes in with, "No, but he's the only sober person here... and I know he can drive a car just fine!" No, really. I was. You don't prepare for an open bar by getting hosed the night before... you know, unless you're Corley.

I managed to keep my string of "never being on time to a wedding that I'm not piping at" intact.... even though our B&B was only 2 minutes away from the hall. Maybe I should have shower more than 20 minutes before the scheduled start of the ceremony...?

Weddings always start late. So technically speaking, I was not late. Technically.

I've never been to quite such a non-traditionnal wedding before. No wedding party, completely non-religious... but very cool.

Outdoor weddings are a gamble, especially at this time of year, but that's two in a row that have been just incredible. Having it at 5:30 so that the sun is setting during the ceremony, and so you get a sunset for the pictures is damned cool.

Venison = Yummy. Very yummy.

A wedding can be a lot like homecoming, in that I got to catch up with a bunch of people I hadn't really seen in a while. Some practically since high school! It's weird how some people in the same social circle will keep in touch with certain people and not with others.

I remembered getting home from a wedding (read: open bar). One streak alive, another broken, I guess.

Bed and Breakfasts are actually way better than I remember... of course, I don't think I've been to one in like 10 years, so I can see how my memory might be shoddy. Definitely the way to travel. Hands down.

Naps on the way home from the cottage rock. There are no words. None. Thanks to Stevie for that one!

BONUS MONDAY RAMBLINGS:

It's always fun to get thrown into a project that you only vaguely know anything about. It gives me a chance to work on my bullshitting. A lot.

This might be as good a time as any to note that I'm going to be at a Petro-Can site for the vast majority of my time for the next few weeks or even months, and as such, will not be posting in this space much during the day due to PC's far more rigorous internet policy...

On the plus side, work might start paying for my cell phone, which is kinda cool. Makes me feel important!

I knew that weather tends to affect my mood, but I was actually in a really good mood, and it totally changed once I noticed it was raining. Gawd I'm weird sometimes.

Piping for the first time in two weeks can be very humbling. Very, very humbling.

That's about it... hopefully a return to some semblance of prose later......

Worlds Colliding

Tonight I had a great moment, to borrow from George Costanza, where my comedic worlds collided!

Bill Simmons, who is one of my favourite sports and pop culture writers, and whose link you will see to the right, was on The Colbert Report!


















Incidentally, it was weird to finally hear Simmons speak after reading his writing for several years, and I have to say, his voice, which he himself recently described as "always grating" lived up to the hype....

Let's all just get through this alive, shall we?

It's homecoming at Queen's this weekend.

If you're going, have a fucking blast.... but for crying out loud, please encourage anyone you see or speak to not to let things escalate again. About the only places left to go are to have a house burn down, or somebody dies.

The national spotlight doesn't need to shine on Queen's for any more negative reasons. And you know that if anything remotely similar happens a second time, they'll fucking lynch the school.

They = The Media and/or The Court of Public Opinion

Not to mention that the administration will assuredly cancel homecoming.....

I've never been so close to being embarassed to be associated with Queen's as I was after last year's events. I can't imagine how another backlash might affect the school's reputation.

Weird little moment...

I had a rather different kind of evening tonight.

I had taken my car in for an oil change, and given some time to kill, I wandered to the Chapters nearby... where a little book called A Day with a Perfect Stranger caught my eye.

Reading the dust cover, it turns out this was the sequel to Dinner with a Perfect Stranger which I had heard about, and is about a guy who ends up having dinner with Jesus.

Anyway, this it the sequel, where his wife sits beside Jesus on a place.... they were both ostensibly agnostic previously, but this turned them to the whole "God thing". Okay, well, not exactly... it's more of a dialogue where Jesus actually rails against organized religion, and encourages one to have a "personal relashionship with God".

Piqued my interest. 33 pages later, I decided to buy it. 101 pages later, the book was finished (not a heavy read, by any means), and so was my oil change.

Now, don't get all worried that I've gone all "born again" or anything, but I just found it to raise some very interesting points about human nature.

First, it tables an interesting theory as to why many men are so petrified of commitment. Suggesting that since boys tend to be praised and encouraged based on what they produce while growing up, rather than who they are, they are drawn to more tangible ways to gain fulfillment, such at work, sports, etc. rather than attempting to have an emotional connection, which could potentially lead to rejection. Seeing as I was basically raised in the exact opposite manner, this potentially explains why, while Über-competitive, I tend to shun work, etc. for close relationships.

Secondly, in the book Jesus (prior to revealing who he is) even goes so far as to state that he dislikes religion, and goes on attempting to delineate between God and religion, citing how often evil has been perpetrated in the name of organized religion.

It gets a little preachy, and I started to roll my eyes when the author got into how we can't ever be totally fulfilled without God in our lives, but I guess when he has already decried organized religion, this is where the "personal relashionship with God" thing comes in.....

I don't know....

One final thing that intrigued me was when Jay (what Jesus introduced himself as) got the protagonist to suspend belief for a moment, and allow that God exists, and then drew parallels between her relstionship with her daughter, and God's with all of us, it makes sense that (again, assuming His existence - which I am neither advocating nor denying here, I'd like to point out) He would create us with the capacity to "hear" Him in some way, as if He loves us like a mother loves a child, how could He not?

Again, I don't know. I just found it an interesting take on just about the oldest subject matter out there, and there's nothing wrong with getting the ol' gray matter bubbling now and again...

Wow. Just..... wow.

With all due respect to Domink Hasek, this is what a slinky-spine looks like:



Thanks to Stevie P. for sending me this!

It's best not to ask what we do...

Part of an email exchange Justin and I had this afternoon.....

From: Iain Gomme
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 1:58 PM
To: Campbell, Justin
Subject: RE: Oops

Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age... ;)


From: Campbell, Justin
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 2:36 PM
To: Iain GommeS
Subject: RE: Oops

That makes sense. I guess we are all growing up…. ever so slightly…. J


From: Iain Gomme
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 2:45 PM
To: Campbell, Justin
Subject: RE: Oops

lol.... I prefer that I'm growing old........... "up" implies some level of maturity... :P


From: Campbell, Justin
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 3:00 PM
To: Iain Gomme
Subject: RE: Oops

Well put…… J


From: Iain Gomme
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 3:00 PM
To: Campbell, Justin
Subject: RE: Oops

I'm bored. I hate writing minutes of meetings.....................

Like, a lot.


From: Campbell, Justin
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 3:11 PM
To: Iain Gomme
Subject: RE: Oops

I think I just fell asleep at my desk……… J


From: Iain Gomme
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 3:09 PM
To: Campbell, Justin
Subject: RE: Oops

LMAO

head-in-hand à la Raymond?? [a guy Justin used to work with who had a patented way of sleeping with his head in his hand, other hand on the mouse... genius, really]


From: Campbell, Justin
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 3:14 PM
To: Iain Gomme
Subject: RE: Oops

Nope……I was laying back in my chair…….out cold….


From: Iain Gomme
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 3:11 PM
To: Campbell, Justin
Subject: RE: Oops

Wow.

I mean, just.... wow.

Did anyone notice?



From: Campbell, Justin
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 3:21 PM
To: Iain Gomme
Subject: RE: Oops

I don’t think so…… J


From: Iain Gomme
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 3:18 PM
To: 'Campbell, Justin'
Subject: RE: Oops

even better...

Life and a can of beer

Now, I know I passed this along to a number of you a few years ago, but while perusing a few old emails, I came across it, and seeing as many more of us are dealing with more and more adult-y type stuff, I think it warrants repeating....

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar, and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. he shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor them produced two cans of beer from under the table, and poured their entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The gold balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favourite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are imortant to you. Pay attentionto the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the gold balls first, the things that really matter. Set your
priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled.

"I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

I can honestly say I'm glad I live my life with similar priorities.

Of course, that's also why my apartment's a mess...... so maybe I have no point.

Has it really been five years?

It just kinda hit me today. Five years.

Five years since the first real "you know exactly where you were" moment of our generation. Previous generations had things like World Wars, Pearl Harbour (although I guess that kinda counts as part of a war) and John F. Kennedy's assassination, and now that Sepember 11th has had its own "I can't believe they couldn't wait until the fucking bodies were cold" movie (creatively titled World Trade Center), it has officially joined the ranks of Horrible Moments in History... Now, I haven't seen it, but I just hope it's a little more realistic than the perverse idea to place a love story over the Pearl Harbour bombing, and perhaps more like the very well done, yet conspiracy-filled, JFK, or even the excellent Saving Private Ryan.

Anyway, it just takes me back to that Tuesday morning in 2001 when I was just sitting down in my 9:30 class in Sterling Hall (my second class of the day, and thus I had not heard anything at this point) and a guy that I only kinda knew turns around and asks me if I heard about the plane crash. I had two more classes following that, but I went home at 12:30 and promptly watched CNN for the remainder of the afternoon. Or so I thought....

I think it was around 3pm or so when my girlfriend at the time bursts in, sobbing almost uncontrollably. She asks if I've heard about what happened, and of course, I had. It turns out an extremely close family friend of hers (when I say close, I mean their families had Thanksgiving together... so we're talking pretty close) , who was only about 27 (if memory serves) was on the first plane that hit the World Trade Center. She had only booked on it the previous night, as her company needed her back from Boston (I think) on Tuesday. At this point they weren't entirely sure she made the flight, but having not been able to get in touch with her yet, they were unfortunately pretty sure she had.

I know a number of other people who had close calls (even to the point of a friend's cousin who worked in the WTC, but was late for work, thereby getting a front row seat for the first plane's impact after having dropped off his wife), but nothing came closer than having someone I loved lose a loved one.

To this day, I kind of have trouble laughing when people make jokes about September 11th... and you likely know that I don't have much trouble laughing at just about anything, no matter how awful, but this incident just hit a little too close to home. I can't see the humour in it.

I think that's about all I've got to say today.

Growing up and moving on?

Me? You must be kidding.

But apparently it's true.

I just found out that the pole is tomorrow. It's not that I didn't know that shocked me.... cuz really, if I had put even a moment's thought into things, I'd have been able to figure it out. It's the end of Frosh Week, not exactly rocket science. It was more my reaction that amazed me....

I didn't care.

Sign that I'm growing up and moving on? Maybe.

Sign that I have a cottage party to go to at which I will get to see all kinds of people that I haven't seen for a while and am rather excited to catch up with? More likely.

Whatever the reason, this is going to be the first pole I've missed since I had to go in as a Frosh.

Probably doesn't qualify as "newsworthy" by any means, but I think it's significant. If only I knew why....

Back, however briefly that might be...

Okay, so I'm home and alive, having survived 8 days in San Francisco and the surrounding area. If I can figure out a funny way to convey the events, I'll post some accompanying pictures and dialogue. Otherwise, I'll just show you pictures when I see you, as I'm not going to turn this into a travelblog and bore you all to tears....

In other words, it was a really great, but fairly uneventful trip. At least by my standards.

That said, I have some tid bits that I deem worthy of mentioning....

When you spend every waking minute with the same person for 8 days, two things happen:
1) You will develop a series of inside jokes that make your conversations almost unintelligible to any "normal" person. My post on Monday might be a good illustration of this.
2) You will, without fail, eventually run out of things to say.

Here's to hanging out with other people! :)

The LA Scots have to be about the hottest pipe band out there, in terms of overall attractiveness. Of course, they're all from LA and the surrounding area.... so they kinda have no choice.

Carl's Jr.? As good as advertized. Of course, if by "as good" you mean "as heart attack enducing".... and that's even without trying their fabled breakfast burger!

Jack in the Box will not, in fact, kill you. However, the people frequenting it at 2am might....

Raw squid is yummy, if perhaps bland, and raw octopus is actually somewhat fishy, but a bit rubbery.

American beer is like the best of both worlds.... you can get drunk, but since it's much like sex in a canoe, you'll never be hungover. Good times!

This is my new favourite shirt:

That is all.

Hopefully I'll see a lot of you at Neil's cottage this weekend.....

Funny? I say, "Yes" ... but I've been known to be a bad person...

I got this from Naing last week while I was away.....

One of the funniest forwards I’ve see in a while. Ladies, pay attention:

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dep artment store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I
threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either.

Time to kill

Just thought I'd post something here as I wait for the rest of the group that's staying here in lovely, sunny (and frigidly cold at night) San Francisco until Thursday to get their shit together and check out.

Honestly, when Jenna and I are the "punctual ones"... well, I don't even know what to say......

Other than, of course: Bon-jerr! Je m'apple Jambon Pantalons!

I leave you with........