Christmas in the Valley

Okay, well as of 10am tomorrow, I'm off to see my folks until the 28th. I'm flying to Ottawa from the Toronto City Centre Airport, which I think is kinda cool... I've never really been on a "small" plane before. The shortest flight I've ever been on was to Newfoundland... and this is obviously decidedly shorter.

My parents are on dial-up because they're out in the middle of nowhere, so I don't expect to be posting much, if at all.... but if I know what most of a week with them is usually like (actually, I have no idea... this will be by far the longest amount of consecutive time I'll have spent with them since I moved out.. but whatever), I'll likely be bursting at the seams when I get back to town....

That said, best of the festive season to all.... :)

At the risk of making an intelligent point

I don't even really "like" hockey, per se... but without making too obvious a point, wouldn't moving the Penguins to Toronto be the best idea? Their lease is set to run out in Steeltown (the American one) in June. Apparently Captain Blackberry didn't much care for some of the stipulations they were forcing on him, and so he backed out... but my questions is: Why? Is the NHL so ridiculously US-centric that they can't see the simplest, and best, solution to the Penguin situation?

Three teams in greater New York (New Jersey is like their Mississauga, really....), two in LA, if you count Anaheim (and you should)... but only one in clearly hockey-crazed Toronto, or in broader terms, Southern Ontario?!? Insane. You mean to tell me that a team featuring Canadian stars like Syd the Kid and Marc-Andre Fleury (not to mention the practically already crowned ROY, Evgeny Malkin) couldn't find a rabid following in the same vein as the Mets or Jets do in NYC??

Absurd.

There’s something in a name, I tells ya!

Last week, one of the contractors got a new guy on site. His name is Atilla, and I’ll bet you can picture him right now.

He’s a huge Eastern European dude, built like a goddamned brick shithouse. In fact, I’m pretty sure they just shaved a gorilla and handed him a pipe wrench.

I’m not sure why I felt the need to bring this up, but I did. So there.

Bah Humbug....

Sometimes you can't see the giant flaw in a plan when it starts out.

Yesterday, Jenna and I met at Yorkdale to do Christmas shopping. If we had actually planned it more, I'm not sure we could have had a worse idea that was still legal.

I'm not a fan of crowds, she doesn't like having stange people bump into her. We share a blinding hatred for Christmas music. She openly admits she doesn't like Christmas, and I can't say I'm a fan of this overly commercialised excuse for a holiday, either.

I remember I used to like it. In fact, I used to love it. Of course, that was when I was 8 and got up at like 4:30am to a pile of toys that rivaled the snow outside... you know, back when we used to get snow around Christmas.

Now? It's nice, I guess... but mostly because I get time off, and get to relax and eat my parents' cooking for a few days. Oh, and drinking in the morning is fun, too. (when my dad and I hit the egg nog while my mum puts the turkey in, ensuring neither of us will have to drive into town that night has turned into one of my favourite traditions!) But Christmas in and of itself? Screw off. It's not my cuppa tea. The crowds and bullshit overconsumption actually turn me off. A lot. I don't have a single item in my apartment that would indicate that it's not May. And I haven't in years. It's not me, and I doubt it will be any time soon. It might say a lot that in recent years, my favourite Christmas movie bar none is Bad Santa.

Anyway, needless to say our attempt at shopping was an unmitigated failure.

TMQ is informative!

A Few Cosmic Thoughts: Complex animals, including the first vertebrates, seem to have appeared on Earth around 540 million years ago. This period is known to that paleontologists as the Cambrian Explosion, because animals went from unknown to common in a short time by geological standards. At least that's how it seemed, since no fossils of complex animals older than about 540 million years had been found. Was this because there were no older complex animals, or because they lacked the kind of hard bone structures that leave fossils? Recently a team of researchers at Nanjing University in China found in Precambrian rocks evidence of animals similar to mollusks that lived 600 million years ago. Animals have roamed our world for 600 million years. Every time the tools of astronomy improve, the universe is shown to be larger -- and every time the tools of paleontology improve, life is shown to be older. Meanwhile in Dong Xa in Vietnam, Peter Bellwood and Judith Cameron of Australia National University recently found the ruins of a log boat identical to a distinctive design that dates to Rome during the reign of Caligula. Coins and other artifacts found with the boat date to the same period. Could the Romans have gotten as far as Vietnam? Every time the tools of archeology improve, the human past becomes more tantalizing.

Growing Up

We all have our demons, be they drugs, alcohol, sex or even food. One could argue that the process of our growing up is merely our ability to tame or control our demons.

As a child, we want everything “now”. We are often told “no” by our parents/guardians, and when we complain, we are then told to “grow up”. Once we do get older, we get to move out, and then there’s nobody to tell us “no”… this generally results in an Id-dominated period of hedonism… more commonly known as First Year.

Gradually, we start to prioritize our lives. Knowing that school, or work, or what have you needs to take priority before we find ourselves marginalized by society as a stoner, drunk, or whatever. We (hopefully) graduate and attempt to make something of ourselves, be it grad school, gainful employment, etc. It is now that we are truly in control of our demons. Or so we like to think. It is virtually impossible to be successful (in the long term) doing a rail as a pick-me-up before a class or Irish-ing up your coffee at work, and at some point along the way most of us realize this.

I’m going to suggest that once we enter the adult world we can’t have any fun… it’s just that in order to survive for any length of time, we need to pick our spots. It’s worth suggesting that the better we are at picking our spots is in and of itself a sign of a certain level of maturity.

The more things change…

So I’m sitting in my living room with Steve and Kyle Monday night watching the Dolts demolish the Ben-Gals… and Steve casually throws this one out to the room….

“So... Apache?”

I apparently visibly perked up, as Kyle observes: “Wow… look at that reaction it’s like your Bat Signal or something!”

Needless to say, we went to Apache.

While there, I also had my first look at a Sci ’10 GPA. Made me feel really really old, I have to say.

PS: “Apache”, for those not from the Etobicoke area, is the penultimate burger joint located at Kipling and Bloor, and for an analogy, it basically serves as the Etobicoke equivalent of Bubba’s. It is also kind of a folk hero-esque place that is frequented by many current and former NHLers, many of whom they have pictures up in the restaurant, including two of the owner holding the Stanley Cup.

PPS: If you don’t know what Bubba’s is either, well…. I don’t know where to start…

The Re-Up: A Review

Okay, this isn’t exactly a review… but I’m basically just saying that if you are down with heavy bass tracks an aggressive lyrics, then you should definitely pick up a copy of Eminem: The Re-Up.

It was originally just going to be a mix tape, but now as an LP it’s basically a compilation of several of Em and 50’s new tracks, along with a few from Obie Trice, Proof (the guy from D12 that was shot and killed earlier this year), the surviving members of D-12, and introducing a few new members to their “crew”, such as Cashis, Stat Quo and Bobby Creekwater. There are even a few remixes of older tracks like Obie’s “Pistol Pistol” and 50’s “Ski Mask Way”.

There’s actually a really funky remix to Akon’s “Smack That” too… and I’ve been chuckling about this for a while, but take the chorus:

Smack that all on the floor Smack that give me some more Smack that 'till you get sore Smack that oh-oooh!

…and replace “smack” with “tap”… somehow I find this hilarious. Of course, being hip hop, there’s about an 85% chance that’s exactly what he’s talking about, and I’m just not hip to the lingo.

In fact, seeing as I just used the phrase “hip to the lingo”, let’s just bump that up to 99%.

Wow. Am I ever white sometimes…

Thanks Craig.... (fine.. I still laughed)

Three hockey fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.

They stopped and discovered a nude female drunk who had passed out. Out of respect for the lady, the Maple Leafs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Senators fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Montreal Canadiens fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.

The police were then called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Leafs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sens cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Habs cap, replaced it, then lifted it again and replaced it. Finally, he lifted it one more time, and replaced it.

Meanwhile, the Montreal fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"

"Well," said the officer. "I'm a little confused. Normally when I look under a Canadiens hat, I find an asshole!"

Weekend Musings

There are 9 reasons I was glad not to talk to any Leaf fans this weekend.

Believe it or not, between the weather and the score, I'm a little glad I didn't make it down to Buffalo this weekend.

Caught Muchmusic's #1 Hottest Guy of 2006 (Justin Timberlake) on SNL this weekend. He actually surprised me. I found him legitimately funny, and his acting wasn't bad, either. Oh, and turns out he performed pretty well, too.

Oh, and just for the (non-gay) record, Rihanna won Hottest Girl or 2006. I had a few quibbles about the order on the list, but whatever. I wouldn't kick any of them outta bed for eating cookies.....

...and the award goes to:

Terrell Owens, for being the biggest cunt in the entire NFL.

Like, seriously. What a douchebag.

Not that it needed replacing, but...

... here's an even better one, from his days at Florida, where he apparently more than dabbled in the odd pharmaceutical: Rexstacy.

PS: Yes... I plan to post every stupid nickname I hear for Rex Grossman because I find it fucking funny. Blow me.

PPS: Little known fact that may or may not be 100% true, but damned if I'm going to look it up to be sure: Rex followed Nepean, Ontario's own Backup-NFL-QB-turned-Bachelor Jessie Palmer as the starter at Florida. I think....

Karma is a bitch

Okay, I know that's not exactly a newsfalsh, but if you read the comments section a couple of posts below, you'll see a snarky response to a comment just before 5pm yesterday.

Well, not even 20 minutes later, I was smacked in the face by a pretty significant fuck up that meant I didn't even get to leave the Terminal until after 8pm. Which meant I didn't get home until around 8:30 last night, at which point I promptly plopped down on the couch, getting up only to go to bed after Craig Ferguson.... thus, my little run of fun ended rather abruptly... on a Friday, no less.

Of course, to make up for it, I went drinking this afternoon.

Screw you, karma!!

Today's word that I could have sworn wasn't a word:

Orientate.

It just hurts my ears......

I don't mean to rub it in to anyone (still) in exams right now, but....

I have been out exactly 9 of the last 10 nights.

This wasn't even intentional, it just sorta happened. And there have been exactly two people in this run who have been out with me more than once (twice each).... I'm not sure what that means, but maybe it has something to do with neglecting my social life for just about the entire fall.

Best news of all? I'm still somehow gainfully employed. :)

(Translation: I can afford to keep this run going through the weekend!)

Where have you been all my life?!?

While I admit to liking my fair share of Lakeport Honey and Screetch, I have also been known to enjoy some of the finer things in life.

For a long time I thought I hated Scotch. Then one day I tried Single Malt. Turns out I just hate giant bottles of Johnny Red and warm J&B.

Well, last night (on the company tab, of course) I was introduced to Port.

Wow.

Yum.

I have got to get my hands on some more of that stuff. Like, soon.

You don't have to agree...

...but you DO have to laugh!

Further Proof I'm Slowly Slipping Into Adulthood, and Perhaps Some Proof I'm Not

First, a minor explanation of the first part of the title...

This past Friday, I went to a dinner party hosted by an engaged couple, which included wine having been brought by all interested parties. It was quite lovely, and we had some hilarious conversations regarding various orifices being relocated to higher traffic areas of the body. After some gratuitous overuse of the word "vagina", and a couple more bottles of wine, we called it a night somewhere around midnight.

Now, bookending that little oasis of quasi-adulthood, I had three days leading up to it of drunken tomfoolery, and a bash Saturday night in Guelph of epic "I didn't know where I was going to sleep when I left Toronto, but damnit it'll be somewhere" proportions, consisting mostly of the Highland Ball and ensuing hotel party. It made for a crappy Sunday at band practice, but let's not pretend I've never had to do that before.

Actually, it was kinda cool to see the general scene at an odd time of year, and under different circumstances. Normally, it's in the beer tent and everyone's half pissed and in a kilt. Saturday, it was in a hall with everyone thoroughly shitfaced, but only those performing were in kilts (the winning bands from each grade in the summer get to perform as the entertainment).

Some highlights included Glengarry (Gr. 2 Champs) completely and utterly stealing the show from the Toronto Police (Gr. 1 Champs). That's not to say they necessarily played better (which is an argument for another time), they were just far more entertaining. They did a drum salute that was the talk of the after party, and I can only describe as "cool". Ask me about it sometime, if you care for the details. About the only this I've ever seen that was better is if you look up the Swiss dudes from the Edinborough Tattoo on YouTube. Someone needs to get some pipers over to Switzerland, and holy shit... that'd be one hell of a band...... but I digress.

Other highlights included seeing "real" highland dancers doing what Queen's Bands dancers do to Home for a Rest and various other Great Big Sea songs. Almost surreal. A couple of them were actually laughing about it, as they "normally never do that kind of thing!"

Some of the Right Moves

To say "All the Right Moves" would be a horrible overstatement, but J.P. is showing Vernon Wells the money. And that's the right thing to do. They (reportedly) signed him to $126M over 7 years, which is apparently the sixth richest contract in major league history.... and you know what? The dude's f'ing worth it. 3-time Gold Glove winner at one of the hardest positions in baseball, and their most potent bat. Also, a Texan who seems alright with living in Toronto? Pay the man.

Now, losing out on BOTH Ted Lilly and Gil Meche hurt. Especially with Meche chosing the Kansas City Fucking Royals...... at least Lilly went somewhere half decent. I have no idea what he can do to recover from that... I just hope he does.

Funniest Line I've Heard Today:

"Oh, well.... you can't put people through a wood chipper. It's against the law."

***That might start to indicate why I have been somewhat derelict in my blogging this week***

It might take you a second, but this will undoubtably grease the rails to hell:

Thanks to Kissing Suzy Kolber!

Nicknames that aren't getting old:

Sexy Rexy

I Can't Believe This Is Happening

c/o Bill Simmons:

Here's the "I Can't Believe This Is Happening" Scale of Reactions, which really depends on the length of time you stand in one spot with your mouth open in disbelief and your arms dangling a little bit forward ...

1.0: Guy realizes that he accidentally drove past an exit.
2.0: Guy realizes that he doesn't have ID in an airport.
3.0: Guy reads that his favorite team just signed J.D. Drew for $70 million.
4.0: Guy watches an LAPD cop write him a jaywalking ticket.
5.0: Guy finds out that his current girlfriend "used to have genital warts."
6.0: Guy coaching the 2006 Giants realizes that another first down was called back because of an unnecessary roughness penalty.
7.0: Guy walks outside and realizes his car is missing.
8.0: Guy finds out that his current girlfriend once had a threesome with two guys.
8.5: Guy walks into his apartment/house and realizes it's just been burglarized.
9.0: Guy finds out that his current girlfriend once had a foursome with three guys.
9.5: Guy walks in on his wife having sex with someone else.
10.0: Guy walks in on his wife having sex with Flavor Flav.

Easily Amused on a Friday

Funny!

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer airs Friday night. And if you don't like Rudolph, then the ghost of Burl Ives cordially invites you to suck his eggnog-dipped balls. Rudolph is the tits. It's got racism, lust ("Now's your chance to make acquaintances with that doe!"), violent monsters that like fucking shit up ("He's mean! He's nasty! And he hates everything to do with Christmas!"). Plus, if you don't like Christmas, Santa comes off like a real douchebag, who blatantly discriminates based on nose color and fancies himself a vicious elf choir taskmaster. Plus, he's got an inexplicably Italian wife ("Now, that's-a my Santa!"), whose voracious appetite for a sexy, chubby husband makes Christmas the horniest time of year.

I also thoroughly enjoy the blatant 1950's sexism involved. My favorite two lines:

Mrs. Donder wanted to go along, naturally, but Donder said, "NO, this is man's work."

Yeah, Mrs. Donder! You get your bitch ass in the kitchen and whip up some meringue mushrooms for your man. He'll be home soon enough, and then you can suck his antlers.

But Mrs. Donder blatantly disobeys Donder and goes out. And what happens? She totally gets trapped by the Abominable Snow Monster of the North. See what happens when you don't listen, missy? You just made man's work that much more difficult! Now Yukon Cornelius has fallen off the cliff!

Well, they were all very sad at the loss of their friend. But they realize that the best thing to do is to get the women back to Christmastown.

No shit. Those women venturing out of the house have stirred up nothing but trouble. When Donder gets you back to Christmastown, he's handcuffing you to the bed. Harlot.

Anyway, my favorite character from Rudolph is, without a doubt, one Yukon Cornelius. Who is Yukon Cornelius?! Pfft. Only THE GREATEST MUTHAPHUCKKIN' PROSPECTOR IN THE NORTH! This is his land! So don't be fuckin' with him!

Turns out I can be shut up

During a discussion last night regarding the validity of not getting a part-time job while living at home, as that is basically wasted time that you could be using to look for a real job.. compared to if you're on your own and you need to do something just to make ends meet....

"Yeah, like you don't need to spend 16 hours a week doing some bullshit job just to be able to have imported bananas this week."

"Iain, all bananas are imported."

...

I actually went to the bathroom at this point without saying a word... it felt like I was leaving the scene of a crime...

Sometimes I just entertain myself

Last night I came up with this comforting little pearl of wisdom:

"God doesn't mind when I don't go to church on Sunday mornings... he doesn't want me to sit there resenting him for having to be there while I'm hungover."

Perhaps some day a Holodeck?

I was reading something cool in the Atlantic last weekend about the "next step" in video games. First they were talking about making them interactive, where you show up to a couple's apartment and they're having a fight. You can react however you like, and they will respond in kind. You can try it for yourself here. I haven't tried it yet, myself, but it sounds pretty cool. They are working on a larger version (where you are the host of a party), which includes more characters, a larger space to move around in, as well as interactivity with the environment. The second part of the article had to do with a game called Spores, which is basically you creating a living thing and watching it grow and evolve. You can affect the surroudning environment, too. Basically, this (these) creature(s) can take any shape.. literally limitless possibilities.... which got me thinking......

Interactive characters based on high-level AI... characters with limitless opportunities to evolve and grow...... an environment you can interact with, as well as alter to your liking.... Any Star Trek geeks out there? Does this sound a leetle bit like a Holodeck??

Me thinks it does... and that's just plain cool!

Kinda like a one-way mirror

I was reading a friend’s blog post which was detailing the various pros and cons of Facebook, that time devouring pseudo-stalker site that poses as a way to keep in touch with your friends.

One of her points was that you can totally keep tabs on your friends without ever having to speak to them. Now, I have been kind of dealing with something like that since I started blogging, as a lot of my friends seem to be lurkers, reading this without ever noting that they do so… which leads to many conversations where I start a story, and then rather quickly get shot down with a "yeah, I was reading that."

Now, I'm not complaining, as I'm an attention whore, and will gladly deal with some weird inter-personal moments in exchange for knowing that people actually read this stuff I pump out. And really, I tend to take a little more care with stuff when I'm writing, so you're probably getting a better version of the story, or the thought, or whatever if you read it here....

I think this was another one of those poorly conceived posts that I started without any real point that I wanted to make, just a matter of something on my mind that I needed to get out.

An Open Plea

This probably sounds really weird, but I can hardly find anyone to even give me a solid “maybe” on going to the Bills-Dolphins game next weekend.

Maybe it’s the thought of Orchard Park in mid-December; maybe people are too overcome with the Christmas Spirit to think of something as hedonistic as drinking in the morning; or maybe I just haven’t given enough notice and people have lives, thus getting busy…..

Whatever the root cause, I have an extra ticket to the game on December 17th, and it can be yours as long as you don’t mind sitting next to me for the game.

Opening Pandora’s Box

Yeah, so with work actually taking up a lot of my time, and having to get up early and stuff, I have been behaving myself the last little while during the week.

Well, that all came to a crashing end this week, having gone out Tuesday night, last night, and likely again tonight. The problem being that I have been able to work just fine on virtually no sleep this week, and since the only prohibitive thing would be if I was unable to perform at work, there isn’t anything keeping me from getting back into this habit.

Cheers!

My New Favourite Phrase:

"that sucks more dick than a high school girl who smokes"

Woo!

Ya down wit OPP?

First, if you are young (or out of touch) enough that the title doesn't explain where I'm headed, go here for a (surprisingly eloquent) idea of what I'm on about.

Now, I was kind of debating whether to write about a convesation I had over the weekend about this subject or not, and this morning a couple of things happened. First, I heard another discussion stemming from the same song, and then I heard the normally astute Maureen Holloway show off her naivety for all to see (I paraphrase):

"Eddie Murphy has ended his engagement to Mel B. (a.k.a. Scary Spice) while she is pregnant with a Spice Kid. Eddie claims that he is unsure of the paternity of the child, and wants a test done. now, Eddie Murphy has, what, like 4 or 5 kids already? Who else could it be? It's his fiancé, after all, right? Maybe that's why he likes transvestites... you can't get them pregnant!"

Now, seriously. Pull you head out of your own ass. Breaks off an engagement with his pregnant fiancé... not sure of paternity.... um...... do you need a billboard-sized diagram? Geeez....

Anyway, the aforementioned conversation was regarding Beyoncé's new track... which I contend is, for all it's nice melodic overtones, pretty mean. Now, the Z103.5 morning show (well the two guys, at least) picked out the same line I did ("I could have another You in a minute, in fact he'll be here in a minute"), but had a slightly different reaction. They actually got annoyed by it. But I think their annoyance came more from the fact that they contend that girls can get another guy about as fast as they like, "a girl can just walk into a room, point.. 'You!' ... and have a new guy, whereas if a guy does that, you have 5 bouncers on you and a restraining order!!"

Perhaps a valid point... or maybe just bitter. Not totally sure... but whatever.

The conversation I had that stemmed from that lyric went in a different direction.... As I noted, I think that line's just mean. My friend comes back with, "but he cheated on her! Of course she's mad!" On its own, valid point. But this was followed up later in the conversation with, "I can understand why girls cheat... you still like the guy you're with, and you're not sure things will work with another guy, but you want to test things out before you commit to it."

Hold up.

Me: Excuse me? Are you honestly suggesting that it's okay for girls to cheat and not guys?
Her: Yeah.. pretty much,
Me: You have to be fucking kidding me....
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Exactly what point in your justification for a girl cheating can't be applied to a guy?
Her: ...
Me: That's what I thought.

It was at this point that I realised that I was making an argument that I'm allowed to cheat. Which, if you've been keeping tabs on my personal life (something I tend not to post about, so you'd actually have to talk to me now and again... another issue entirely) you'd find curious, as I have been getting more and more comfortable on my high horse with regards to that subject. Which is, of course, completely and totally hypocritical. I've never exactly been an angel, but I think an experience I don't need to get into here kind of put me on a moral high ground with which I was not familiar, and I guess I've kind of been camped out there ever since, for whatever reason.

Anyway, I'm not here to advocate rampant adultery or anything like that... once jewelery, kids, or "real love" (whatever that is) are involved you should probably keep it in your pants, but until then... you know what? Have fun!

Yeah, you know me.... ;)

J.P. is actually using his brain!

I was delighted earlier when the Jays' GM decided to resign a good player who wanted to be here, but the fact that he is openly admitting he knows what he's doing floors me.....

Ted Lilly = known quantity
Gil Meche = known quantity
Mark Redman = candidate to be a bust
Jeff Suppan = candidate to be a spectacular bust

Why do I categorize like this? And more importantly, why am I so glad that J.P.'s going after the first two and not the last two?

Ted Lilly pitched with the Jays last year. They know exactly what he'll give them, barring injury. His numbers are for real.

Gil Meche pitched in the AL West for the Mariners. While that's not exactly facing the Yanks and BoSox every week, that's at least close enough, as they actually play all the same teams.

Suppan and Redman? Both NL starters. And middle of the rotation NL starters at that. There was universal shock and awe that the eventual World Series champs actually used Suppan in important games. Mark Redman pitched for the Pittsburgh Pirates, a.k.a. the ass end of what was tantamount to a AAAA league. These two guys, while they could do just fine, are likely to be eaten alive by the AL. The NL is where washed up AL pitchers go to revive their careers. There is no, repeat NO logical reason to throw good money at lousy pitchers. You watch, someone will do it... but I just hope to hell it won't be the Blue Jays.

A bunch of crap from the weekend

Okay, so not having a fully functioning computer at home is beocming a giant pain in the ass, especially since (for the first time in a while) I was actually home (or near home) for the vast majority of the weekend.

So with that in mind, I present my weekend ramblings.....

Am I so out of touch that I can't see why Hedley and My Chemical Romance are popular? They both just annoy me. Like, a lot.

Turns out it only takes three days of Jeopardy watching to get back into the groove. By Friday I was answering things the contestants weren't getting, including even a Daily Double! I'm just a bit excited that my brain still works well now and then... :)

1 vs. 100 is quite possibly the stupidest show ever. Correction: It's the show with the stupidest people ever on it. It's hard to explain, and I can't possibly recommend watching it (I'm likely dumber for having watched it myself), if only because that will boost their ratings and keep it around longer.... but wow.

With the preface of "I was watching the Muchmusic Countdown with the new music from the pipe band in front of me when it came on", I ended up watching Bring It On over the weekend. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it..... but with that in mind, I checked it out on IMDb just now (no computer, remember?) and I was incredibly relieved to find out a few things, while being mildly surprised to find out others...

1. Kirsten Dunst was pretty awkward for 18. I pegged her for being like 15 or something, which actually was creeping me out considering how wardrobe was showcasing her (admittedly quite stunning) rack. I also can't figure out how she went from being perfectly cute to the snaggeltooth that WWTDD (rightly) goes on (and on, and on) about. How does that happen to your teeth? It's like she grew fangs over the last 6 years. And where did that rack go?
2. I'm embarassed to say that I couldn't place her until the ending credits, but Eliza Dushku? Just plain hot. You can keep young snaggletooth... I'll take Eliza over her any day of the week. (PS: She is my age... which puts her at 20 when the movie was released... still totally acceptable to ogle, even now!) I've got to find space for her on my list....
3. I just about fell out of my chair when I saw that Gabrielle Union was 28 when this movie was released. Wow. Born in 1972. And DAMN.... she looked fit. I'd put her only a little behind Ms. Dushku... and about a million miles ahead of young snaggletooth. Don't even bring up the present snaggletooth when discussing her, or you might get me upset.

As a final point, I don't feel that I can discuss the actual cinematic merits of the movie itself, as I was playing my chanter almost throughout the entire thing... so all I have is the visual. Meh... I'm pretty superficial anyway....

We had our company Christmas dinner on Saturday night. There was a Secret Santa. I was quite honestly shopping for it at 4pm on Saturday. This should be a good indication of approximately where Christmas shopping falls on my list of priorities. If you're in the area, and plan to go shopping any time over the next couple of weeks, please let me know.... I could use a kick in the ass. For as much as I don't actually mind shopping, for some reason I don't do it unless I have a reason, and, well.... it's not December 21st yet, so I feel exactly NO urgency. However, I rather dislike crowds, and seriously... for December 2nd? Sherway was nuts.

Just plain cathartic

If you hate sports announcers even half as much as I do, please read Bill Simmons' latest column. It's better than the typical yearly rantings of Sports Illustrated's Paul "Dr. Z" Zimmerman which tend to get repetitive and centre around the guys that make his game charts harder... but are none the less similar complaints to those Bill tables.

I'm not sure I have a point, other than read the damned article. If you think the idiots on the mic are ruining a perfectly good game, you're not alone....

If I was the convenience store guy around the corner...

... I'd think that I was a serious pot head.

All I buy from this guy is Doritos and ice cream. Several times a week.

What would you think?

This week's once excellent band that forgot they weren't quite popular enough to start getting overly political without still producing decent music:

System of a Down

All you ladies out there...

Wondering about what to ask for Christmas?

If you want to ask the man in your life for something particularly emasculating, try this. And get a copy of Radiohead's "Like Spinning Plates".

It managed to pop the latch on Justin's trunk with his speakers, so imagine it'll do the trick for you.

People who don't know anything need to shut the fuck up!

I just caught the end of the dopes on The Edge this morning complaining that Bryan McCabe and Tomas Kaberle get over 28 minutes a game for the Leafs... suggesting that there are other guys that want to play, too. I'm guessing that this has to do with them being buddies with Wade Belak, who, while he seems like a pretty cool guy, is a shitty hockey player, who stinks especially badly on the blue line.

Where do they get off suggesting that two of, arguably, the best defencemen in the entire NHL should be getting less ice time so that their buddy can play?!? The fact that one (or both) of McCabe and Kaberle are on the ice for what I can only assume is between two thirds and three quarters of the game is probably one of the major reasons the Leafs (sic) are doing well this year!!

It's a simple concept that most good coaches grasp.... PLAY YOUR GOOD PLAYERS MORE!!

Now, I'm not going to compare these two guys to future Hall of Famers (yet), but when the Blues actually had a team to speak of, they had either Al MacInnis or Chris Pronger on the ice about 95% of the time.

What the hell kind of stupid idea is this that everyone should get to play?? If you're good, you play. If not, you sit. We're all adults here... this isn't Timbit fucking Hockey anymore.... we're here to win. And in order to win, you play your best players... not the stiffs you signed to fill out the roster...

I don't even like the Leafs (sic) and I can see this!! Geez.....