What the fuck is Bill Gates putting in the water?!?

Okay, so as your average never-been-to-Seattle type, all I really had to go on was Microsoft, Starbucks, Grey's Anatomy, Frasier, grunge music and professional sports teams.

Ignoring the fact that the Seahawks and Sonics blow, it seems like a pretty cool place. Home of the computer company trying to take over the world, the army of baristas trying to take over the world, teh only hospital in the world where the on-call room is actually used for sex, the music movement that (for all intents and purposes) expunged metal from the air waves and the locale for the only successful spin-off series from a wildly successful sit-com that I can think of (of course, all the competition for this title I can think of consists of A Different World, Joey and Trapper John, M.D. ... not exactly Emmy-caliber shows.. maybe I'm missing one?). But whatever... I had the impression that Seattle was kinda cool. Rainy, but cool.

Wow. Was that ever wrong...

I have never seen such a cornucopia of creeps in my life! And I'm not even going to comment on Paula's blatant mugging for the camera...

First, there was the ugly chick, who creepily sang "Don't Cha". Made my fucking skin crawl. Then I found out her mom looks EXACTLY LIKE HER! They could have passed for twins. My skin just crawled again thinking about it.

Then there was the walleyed software engineer who just plain creeped the shit outta me. And that was before he sang!

After him, there was the pair of weirdos that met in line that just reminded me of a John Steinbeck novel... all the big guy was missing was a fucking mouse in his hand! Well, that and the little dude was less normal, more creepy. Dispite his protestations, he DID look like a monkey. Um... not that there's anything wrong with that.

The only thing that could have made the show weirder would have been an unexpected repeat performance from William Hung... or maybe some retarded kid singing "Put your hands up in the air".

Of course, maybe that would have only been funny to a select few........ ;)