My life as a living, breathing paradox

I negotiate almost $2M worth of work for Shell, then I come home and shoot my socks into the laundry hamper like basketballs from across the room.

I am pound wise, and penny foolish.

I get blackout drunk on a semi-regular basis, but make monthy RRSP contributions.

I want to buy a house shortly, but an underlying reason is so that I can throw a housewarming kegger.

I have tentative plans to travel to Ibiza this summer, but it is all pending the stage that the above-noted project's contruction has reached.

I partied for 3 days in Vegas, and got back less than 12 hours prior to a client meeting.

The angrier I get, the less I swear, and the more likely I am to drop one a' dem $10 words.

I act like an irresponsible jerk, and yet everyone seems to trust me.