Two weeks late, but no less valid...

Sure, a lot of these thoughts have been percolating for the last coupla weeks, but that doesn't mean they're any less pertinent.

The funny thing about history is that you can't change it. You can think about it, you can try and hide from it, you can recover from it, you can fix the fallout from it, but once something is done in this world, it's done, and there's nothing you can really do about it.

The important thing is how you move on.

The way my brain works, I never truly move on. I stil remember slights from grade school. They still sting. There are sometimes events from damned near 20 years ago, but they still sting. Sometimes they're emotional scars from not all that long ago. Sometimes they're emotional scars you know you've inflicted on others. They all still sting. But you learn to deal with it from day to day, or you'd never be able to get out of bed.

That's not to say that my life, or anyone's certainly, has been nothing but a series of hardships. Far from it! But I've always been the type to look back. Re-live moments from the past, and really, while the joys I've experience remain as real as the day I first experienced them, and can be felt just as strongly as any sad moments, I've always felt that I knew what I was doing, and so there's nothing to be gained from going over and over what you've done right. Which leaves me with the things that have gone wrong, and my sometimes misguided attempts to make things right, or at least to learn from my own mistakes.

But I know that's just me. I know that many people try to hide from their past. I don't see the point. It will always come back to haunt you in one form or another, and if you choose not to deal with it in a constructive way, when it does, you'll be so completely caught off guard that it will floor you.

Maybe it's because I was raised to dela with things. Sweeping things that are hard to deal with under the rug was a near capital offence growing up. You deal with things. That's just how it works. Sometimes that leads me to wearing out my welcome with certain people talking their ears off about certain subjects.... but that probably presents as seemless a seguay as I'm going to get.......

I don't have any secrets that I can think of. I just don't. That's not to say that any one person has all the dirt on me, but there are certainly a select few that know more than most. And that means that no matter what I need to talk about, I can find someone to lean on. I find that comforting. Regardless of how independant I like to think I am, or how much I like to claim I'm a loner, without that, I don't know where I'd be. This medium gives me the chance to spew out a lot of crap that I'd otherwise burden some poor friend with, while pontificating over a beer or two, but as I've noted before... there's just some stuff I refuse to write about here, and that's where the people I'm talking about come in. I couldn't imagine keeping everything in all the time. I'd quite possibly explode. And sometimes, I think that leads to those moments where you totally overstep your bounds with someone, and just drop all this heavy shit on someone that you probably aren't that close to.

Really, I think they both achieve the same result. Regardless of who you talk to, the more people you tell about something... the more you talk about it, even with the same people, the easier it becomes to come to terms with even some of the more painful moments in your past.

Huh, I guess that's really just therapy, isn't it......

I honestly just put two and two together as I was typing that.

Of course, if you shun such things, there's always Plan 'B': Self-medication.