These are my friends:

melis says: oh my god!
melis says: dr. phil has fat people on today!!
melis says: not just plus-size fat!
melis says: morbidly obese fat!
melis says: i'm going to go make a snack and watch!

Just for the record...

I plan to actively try and complete this list starting on my 30th birthday.

Perhaps I have issues with authority.......

Okay, so it's not laminated...

But to celebrate the fact that I have a new (to borrow from Luda) "Number One Spot" on my list (a la Ross and Rachel on "Friends" ...wow do I have any original thoughts left?), I thought I might as well share the whole thing... regardless of the fact that I'm not seeing anyone, it's always good to have these things ready. You never know what tomorrow might bring...

That and it's always nice to Google pictures of beautiful women. :D

1. Christina Milian - Also of "Be Cool" fame.
2. Rachel McAdams
3. Natalie Portman
4. Charlize Theron
5. Angelina Jolie/Jennifer Aniston (if Brad Pitt can have both, so can I!)
6. Bonus Pick: Katherine Heigl

I invite anyone interested in posting their lists to do so.... I know full well that many of you have such lists, but I'm not going to name names....

PS: Lists of boys are acceptable, too....I'm all for equal opportunity!

PPS: I reserve the right to update/modify this list as any time without any notice. Hence why it's not laminated... that and I know I'm fickle. :P

Lead Bandwagon Jumper?

The following admission might make me a bad Canadian, but I honestly don't care that much about hockey.

I didn't really notice that they didn't play last year... my life doesn't change by the fortunes of "my team"... I'm from Toronto and have (at best) an indifferent opinion of the Leafs (sic).

[The plural of Leaf is Leaves.... what moron back in the annals of hockey okayed this?!? Likely the same dope responsible for the White Sox and Red Sox... ugh... moving on!]

That said, I can't get enough of playoff hockey. Like, not to the point of Leaf fans... but I'm approximately a billion times more likely to give two shits about any given playoff game than even the most heated Leafs(sic)-Sens regular season game. I just couldn't imagine caring less than I do about regular season NHL hockey.... I'm not sure it's possible.

I guess half the fun is out this year, as tormenting Leaf fans is almost too easy.... they're just so damned predictable, it's practically mandatory to mess with them! But even then, I think I'm going to enjoy this spring more because of it...

GO HABS!!

"Spring is here again....

...reproductive glands"

-Nirvana's "In Bloom"

Aside from the fact that only Kurt Cobain could come up with such non-sensical garbage and still make it sound cool, you can't deny that spring is upon us... however, the lyric right before it is "weather changes moods", which leads me to the idea that sun and warmth almost always cheer people up after a long run (especially in Canada) of winter "blahs"........ the fact that the opening lyric of the song is "Sell your kids for food" has little impact on what I'm talking about.

It seems like just about everyone likes spring, and imho it's hard not to... but there are some specific signs that spring is here that I got to experience this week, so it has been driven home even more:

1. Rain smells different in the spring. It has a fresh smell to it. Maybe I'm crazy.
2. The first lawn mowing always smells great, too, for some reason.
3. I'm going to stop talking about smells, now.
4. I get brutal allergies, and can't figure out for a few days why I seem to have a spring cold, until I buy a superduperjumbo box of Claritin. Happens every year. You'd think I'd have caught on by now. But you'd be wrong....
5. You'd also think that this little subplot would make me loathe the spring, but amazingly not. I'm clearly a glutton for punishment.
6. Why am I adding new items for non-points in my arguement?
7. I'm clearly just trying to fill out this list to make it look more substantial.
8. I think I need to stop making lists.
9. Now back to my point....
   
10. Inadvetant sunburn.... okay, this hasn't happened to me yet, but I have several accounts of it happening to other people!
11. The first playing of Soundgarden's Superunknown, or any track from it, really. I think this first came out in the spring of '94, which would have been the end of grade 8 for me, I guess. No idea why this is significant in and of itself, but it just always reminds me of the spring. I think I first heard it right after it came out at my buddy's house when we were playing basketball in his driveway, and it just kinda stuck with me. I happened to hear "My Wave" on the radio today. That was nice.
    

Is there anything else that reminds you of spring that I haven't mentioned?

I like to get comments. Makes me feel like I'm not talking to myself.... :)

Post Script - April 10, 2006

Two days after our arrival back in Canada, I sent Jon a text message.

Iain (11:13am): Pooed yet?
Jon (11:29am): About ten minutes ago.

Yes, you needed to know that.

Days 7 & 8: This is The End

I'm going to condense our last two days, as they were basically one big day, much like the Friday/Saturday before we left...or some such.

Anyway, we awake and over breakfast (yes, over breakfast) Jon enlightens us that he has not pooed since the previous day before going to Cozumel. That would be about noon, or so, so we're coming up on 24 hours. He feels like he wants to poo, but he just can't. At this point he admits that he ate about a dozen Imodiums (Imodia? Imodii? can I get a verdict?) over Wednesday and Thursday, and is starting to be concerned about his long term ability to ever poo again.

We ignore him and go to the beach. Seemed like the logical next step, really... We're also kind of looking for Greg's buddy Eric, as Greg's hasty departure also kind of screwed Eric for some SCUBA they had been planning on Thursday... but we aren't looking very hard, as we're pretty sure that finding him will result in one of us having to cough up $50US to cover the rest of the money Greg owed him. Whatever.

So we spent the entire afternoon snoozing on the beach. Nothing much happened, as we were pretty beat at this point...

Skipping ahead, when we get back to the resort for dinner, Jon and I decide to go into the pool. Now, the only time any of us had been in the pool previously was when Mike and I went in sometime around 5am after we heard Jon and Greg's story about the boat, as I guess we were put in a swimming mood by the story, or some ridiculous thing.... Anyway, needless to say at 5am, the pool was closed, and security was surprisingly nice about telling us this. And also telling us that the pool opens at 7, and we can come back then. Now, knowing that there was no earthly way that any of us would be up early enough that the pool's opening time would be of any real consequence, I wanted to know when it closed..... Now if you want high comedy, try getting some guy who's half in the bag attempting to ask a Mexican security guard who speaks exactly zero English what time the pool closes using only hand signals and gestures. Mike may have laughed a lot...

Anyway, back to our current point in the timeline. As we're swimming, Eric comes by, and Jon puts another 50 on Greg's tab...and we tell him, since his flight's leaving in the morning, too, and his buddy Jean-Marc went home Wednesday, he should come and party with us!

So we grab dinner, where we see the people we scared away with the dead hooker talk. We decide to try and do it again. It works! Yes, we're evil. Then we go finish up all our souvenir/present buying...which actually proves relatively painless, believe it or not...... I guess having walked the street about a billion times during the week pretty much gave us an idea of exactly what was there.....either that or we had lost our collective will to live...... whatever...

We run into Eric while we're out, and so we all head back to the resort to get down to business. One fortunate thing is that Eric is kinda burned out on most drinks, too... so we ended up drinking the bar out of Clamato in about two rounds of caesars, and end up drinking some funny beer-based concoction which struck me as basically a shandy with salt around the rim, and lemon.... oh, and of course a couple rounds of Tequila "Boom-boom" for old times' sake...

I was starting to be glad to leave this Tequila infested country.... grrr...

Anyway, we're beat and just as we're about to turn in (it's about midnight, and we have a make-up call scheduled for 6am) when Jon catches a tidbit from an adjacent conversation...

Random Guy: "Yeah, I took a snowmobile, a truck, a train, and a plane to get here!"
Jon (interjecting): "Where the hell are you from? Moosonee?"
RG (a bit startled): "Almost.... Moose Factory, actually!"
Jon: "Yer, kidding!"
Iain (thinking): Fuck...we're never getting outta here, now........

So naturally, they exchange pleasantries and such....and as they do so, we find out that the guy that Mr. Moose Factory was talking to also drives trains.... in Holland.

He and Jon just about cum in their pants talking about the similarities and differences between the trains they get to drive, the speed, the size, the number and weight of cars......etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum............

I never knew how little I knew about trains. I now know far more than I likely ever wanted or needed to. Well, not anymore....I think I blocked it out, but at the time? Man, I could have passed myself off as someone who knows something no problem....

During the traintalk, I get talking to Mr. Moose Factory and his gf, and it turns out that she lives like 5 minutes from me. We shop at the same Sobey's at weird hours because we hate lines... this certainly qualifies as a pretty big "WATFO"!

So around 3:30am, Jon and I decide that perhaps we should turn in...what with the 6am wake-up, and all (Mike had ducked out a bit earlier)... so we go back to our room, and we recall that we still need to pack. Oops...

By about 4 or so, I turn in.

6:00 Wake-up call.
7:00 We stagger down, bags packed, for breakfast.
7:15 Check out.
7:25 Bus was supposed to arrive.
7:40 Bus arrives.
8:30 Airport.
8:31 I remember the level of small town folks I'm dealing with.....
9:30 Jon continues to proclaim that he hasn't pooed since Thursday, and would in fact like to.
10:00 I poo...almost out of spite.
10:30 We start screwing with Jon, as he has been mentioning how much he wants to poo about every 3.8 seconds... Mike reminds him how unhealthy not pooing is, and suggests that he might need to get a C-section if he doesn't poo soon. Mike then hypothesizes that it might be shaped like a traffic cone, and he won't even be able to get it out! The topic of C-section is revisited, and we discuss logistics.
11:00 Plane.
4:00 Toronto.... we deplane. I think I just wanted to type that.
4:45 For reasons I will never comprehend (check the 8:31am note above for some explanation...?), when Jon is asked by customs why he was in Mexico, instead of saying something normal like "vacation", he says "drinking and partying!" Needless to say, he is detained. Of course, this is the same guy who when pulled over and asked if he knew how fast he was going said that his spedometer might be on the fritz, and so he wasn't sure. When the cop told him 135, Jon replied that his spedometer was in fact working just fine... so maybe I shouldn't be shocked in any way.
5:30 While attemting to rent a car from a company they knew exists in New Liskeard, Jon has to call his dad to look up the phone number of the place to give to the moron behind the desk at Pearson. Welcome back to Canada!!
6:00 After dropping me off at home, Mike and Jon set a new landspeed record on their return up north, and I make a similar trip to Kingston.

Good times.

Okay, so that's about it....thanks for indulging me. :)

PS: Two things....

1. Sorry for not having any more pictures for this post.....I ran out of film.
2. Yes, I'll admit it, I did keep some (minimal) notes in order to be able to piece everything together... but in my defence, it was one piece of hotel stationnary with little bullet points, not exactly prose... so a startling amount of this is coming from my actual mind/memory. Makes me think the drinks were watered down.........

Day 6 - A little road rash never hurt anyone...

We all woke up at our usual mid-to-late morning time, and we systematically stunned that Greg actually got up and got away.

No, seriously. He was almost without fail the last one up every morning...and somehow got up to catch his 7:55am bus to the airport. Actually, in talking to him once we got back, he was a little surprised he got up, too....

While Mike and I had been tentatively talking about going to the Mayan Ruins, the fact that Jon was still chomping on Imodium like friggin' Pez ruled that out, due to bus riding-related concerns.

So what are we to do? We decided to catch the ferry over to Cozumel and rent scooters.

One interesting point? I took this picture of the beach we spent most of our time on from the ferry about...oh...... a third of the way to Cozumel? It was at about this point Jon conceded that it was likely best he and Greg didn't get that bost free.... cuz they'd have never made it....


On the way over, we spot someone who's not enjoying the trip. Upon seeing our seasick friend a few rows up, Jon mentions in passing: "You know, with all we've done, I'm amazed nobody's puked yet."

Take note. That's important later.

Anyway, as we pulled into Cozumel there was another one of those giant cruise ships... and after the requisite "bigger'n a normal boat" comment, I decided that cruise ships are definitely the way to travel. You can keep your Bentleys...I want an ocean liner!

So, yeah... Derrick and Lindsay (the couple from Calgary that, amazingly, were still speaking to us) had said that they rented a car when they went to Cozumel earlier in the week, but that was mostly because they had snorkling stuff, etc. of which we had none.

That and we wanted to ride scooters.

Anyway, so once we got to Cozumel, as Derrick had emplored we didn't just go to the first Mexican yelling about rentals...which saved us like $10 each as it was... and then talked our dude down to $15 each, being the cheap pricks we are, and went to get our choppers. Never has the term been used more loosely. All three were pretty much pieces of shit, but they (mostly) ran fine, so who cares...? Just as we're leaving, the guy gives us little maps of the island so that we'd have a clue where we're going (it's basically just a big circle....I'm not sure it's possible to get lost....but we played along), and then points out where the nude beaches (supposedly) are (supposedly? yes.... there wasn't anyone there, so I'm skeptical... but that might be explained easily in a moment). However, that wasn't quite enough. The dad of the guy that was around, and as our dude was finishing up the paper work... he asks: "So, you guys looking for women? You know, like pussy?"[emphasis his]

At this point, in case we were unclear what he was asking about, he proceeds to make the hand gesture you see to the right, put it to his mouth and flash us his tongue between the fingers......

Yes, a sketchy middle aged Mexican just gave us the universal sign of eating pussy. Lovely. Our collective eyes must have just got the size of dinner plates. Like, if you've been reading along I'm sure you're aware that Mike, Jon and I aren't exactly fresh out of Sunday School here..... but man. Some things are just uncalled for. The best part? He didn't stop there! He proceeded to fill us in on the best places for obtaining said women, which was fine.... until he mentioned: "At [this place] you're looking at like $40 to $50. They'll ask for more, don't pay any more than that. But at [this other place], you're probably looking at more like $100, but you'll see....it's worth it. The women are much more, how you say, cleaner and better. Oh, and in either case, don't forget to use a glove, you know... [holds out left index finger and cups right hand around it..again, as if somehow he had previously been unclear]"

Sweet jebus. That did not just happen. I did NOT just get safe sex advice from that guy.

I feel dirty.

Anyway, we hit the road... or rather, I promptly stall in the first intersection.

Iain: "Is this a good time to mention I've never ridden a bike of any kind before?"
Mike: "HA! I was just about to ask if you're enjoying your first time on a bike....but I didn't want to be mean.....hahahaha"
Iain: "That obvious, huh?"

To explain, I got honked at while I was stalled in the middle of the intersection, and then almost took out an innocent bystander once I got it going again..... oh, and I almost lost a flip flop, too... This was all about 10 yards from where we rented them. I'm a natural, clearly...

But after the initial "jitters" I got the hang of it pretty quickly, and we were off....

So after a while, we stopped at this little bar by the beach for a couple. A really nice spot for a break before we headed back down the coast.

So part way down the coast, we decided to stop for a swim... The beach was beautiful, and all...but it was funny how the sand was considerably more coarse than most beaches. We suspect that's due to the effects of the hurricane, which had decimated this side of the island. We kinda figured that coarse sand doesn't mesh well with nude beaches. You might notice there aren't exactly a lot of tall trees in the pictures above, and also, the roads were either really crappy or brand new... hardly any middle ground.

So after another little pit stop just before turning back inland, we get back to the place we rented the scooters. Just as we're about to leave, the Sketchy Hand Gesture Guy yells out to us...

SHGG: Hey...guys......who was on the red one?
Iain (stupidly): Uh, me?
SHGG: See this mark? [pointing to the front of the scooter] That's new.
Iain: Um, what? No it's not.
SHGG: Hey, I know these machines... and that's new.
Iain: No, really.... it's not. (thinking: He totally saw me almost wipe out within a few feet of leaving, and is trying to fuck me.....grrrrrrrrr!) I know it looked bad when I left, but that was the only trouble I had!
[Editor's Note: White lie..... I had a couple of other incidents, but I didn't fucking hit anything! And that's all the matters right now...]
SHGG: Okay, fine....if you tell me the truth, I won't charge you...but if you lie and say you didn't do it, I'm going to charge you for it.
Iain: (thinking: What the fuck kind of trap question is that?!?) Look, honestly....I didn't hit anything, and I'm actually pretty sure that mark was there before, anyway....
SHGG: Really, just tell me you did it, and I won't charge you.....but if you say you didn't, I'm going to charge you.
Iain: Seriously, I didn't (fucking) hit anything (motherfucker), and those marks were there before (you stupid fucking bastard!).
SHGG: Okay, fine... I believe you...... so next time you come to the island, come here and we'll give you a good deal. I also promise new scooters for all three of you!
All: Yeah, um...sure..... [walking away quickly]

So we ended up missing the 6pm ferry back, and decided that the best way to pass the time was clearly to grab a couple more beers. At which point Jon mentions: "Good thing he didn't ask about the licence plate being ripped to shit on my scooter from the wheelies I did, huh?"

Asshole.

But he was quickly uprooted as resident asshole when a couple of women stagger in. Now, it should be noted that our bartender is a Mexican wearing a green "Kiss Me I'm Irish" t-shirt. Get it? haha.... it's supposed to be funny, right? Well....

Drunk Woman #1 (in a thick American accent): "Kiss me I'm Irish? You're not Irish, I'm Irish....kiss my ass!"
DW1 (fixing her gaze on our table, after apparently losing interest in her non-Irish Mexican friend): "Hey, are you guys from the States?"
Jon: "Naw, we're Canadian."
DW1 (pointing exaggeratedly at her companion, DW2): "We're from the States!"
Jon (deadpan): "You're kidding...."
DW1 (unfazed): "Yeah, we're from Mississippi!"

At this point, Mike's sucking hard on his beer. He has gone on record earlier in the week when we've passed drunk Americans who have asked if we're Americans, too, that in fact, no...he is not an American, and actually hates Americans. One guy replied that he shouldn't hate all Americans, just the asshole ones.... Mike's response? "Well, yeah....I guess that's fair. I just haven't met any that aren't assholes, yet."

Anyway, we manage to get back to Playa del Carmen without incident. :)

Once back at our resort, we've reached the point where we can't handle anymore beer or Tequila... and we've even gotten tired of the various blender drinks....... so what now? Well, I go to shower, and upon my return I am greeted with a Vodka and Sprite.

Damnit.

Turns out that Jon and Mike agreed that this would be sufficiently refreshing, and yet full of booze. I intimate that Vodka's not my thing.....we had some arguments in high school, and the only time I've drank it since was my first night in Vegas last year (Vodka 'n Red Bull....it's the drink in Vegas...but I digress), and (to give the short version...if you want the long version, ask me sometime........but not at work) I woke up on top of my suitcase, fully clothed, with the lights on, hands bloodied and a twisted ankle.

Mike: So you killed a hooker?
Iain: No! Well....at least I don't think so....?
Jon: I think you killed a hooker.
Mike: It's okay to kill hookers.....cuz they're already dead inside!

[Editor's Note: Yes, I know it's from The Family Guy.... but how often do you get to justifiably slip that into conversation?!?]

Well, within seconds, the entire six-person table beside us gets up and leaves. Leaving drinks that are 2/3's to 3/4's full....... we suspect they didn't overly appreciate our conversation. Oh well...

Okay, so after a few of those vile...yet yummy drinks, we end up back in the lobby, where we meet an Italian guy that we met the night before in the 24-hour bar. Turns out he and a few of his friends are heading down to the beach cuz the girls want to sit outside a club with a bottle or two from the 24-hour bar. Great plan!!

So Jon and one of the girls go get a bottle of wine and a big bottle of rum. Needless to say, the wine was crappy..... but what are you supposed to expect in Mexico? It was funny, because the Italians wouldn't drink it, and in fact dumped a couple glasses of it.... meanwhile, we dopey Canadians refused to waste a drop of the disgusting crap. Once the wine was gone, it was just rum.... yes, straight rum. My favourite. So I got a glass, and by this time we were down on the beach outside the Blue Parrot. Mike spied a random Mexican dude sitting down at the water, and decided he wanted to talk to him. For reasons I can't begin to comprehend, I thought this was a fun idea, so I joined him. As Mike's "talking to" the guy (talking at might be a more apt term, as I'm not sure he was responding...but moving on), I take a swig from my cuppa rum.

It came back up in a hurry.

So, I'm sitting there beside Mike with a mouthful of rum and dinner.... decision time. I decide that I'm not going to be a trooper. It's been a long week, and I've fought the good fight, so screw it. Out it went, on the beach beside me. I covered it over with some other sand, you know, just to be courteous.

A matter of seconds later, Jon comes running over...

Jon (kinda falling on me as he bends down to grab my shoulder): I saw that!!!
Iain (honestly startled, as I had zoned out watching the lights from Cozumel): Huh? Saw what?
Jon: You just puked and covered it over with sand!!!
Mike: You did what?
Jon: He puked and covered it over with sand!!!
Mike: You did?
Iain: Yup.
Mike: I didn't hear a thing!
Iain: Yeah, I'm sneaky like a ninja.

Once again, we learn that we need to keep our damned mouths shut early in the day....

Get used to hearing more about the Blue Jays

I know I'm likely to bore the shit out of a lot of you, but I'm going to use something DC said duirng last night's Jays-Sox game to hopefully try and convince some of you that they are worthwhile subject matter:

"Man, there must be a lot of rock getting played in the clubhouse!"

This observation came after we've all been to a few games this year, and have started to notice the music they play just before everyone's at-bats. Turns out apart from Vernon Wells with his uber-egotistical "Oh, I think they like me" by Dem Franchise Boys, and Bengie "I might not be able to beat a glacier in a foot race" Molina's unintelligible salsa music of some sort, the remaining regulars (of which there are 12, what with a couple of platoons in the OF and another at SS) all play some kind of heavy rock when they come to the plate. Some highlights:

Troy Glaus: "Crazy Train" (the laugh and opening riff, in particular)
Shea Hillenbrand: Audioslave's "Cochise"
Lyle Overbay: "Jeremy"
[and my favourite, that actually made me like him more as a player....]
Frank Catalanotto: Disturbed's "Down with the Sickness" (mostly the primal scream part)

Also, when B.J. Ryan comes into the game, they have his name in flames on all the scoreboards, and a pretty decent track that I haven't been able to place as of yet... but really, I think that if he entered to Metallica's "Fuel" with opening line "Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire" and the exploding guitars that follow it just as he runs through the bull-pen door (which he does already), it would give a tremendous effect. Maybe not Mariano Rivera's "Enter Sandman" entrance at Yankee Stadium, but it'd be damned cool...

Just a thought...

Excited Beyond Words!

As one of quite possibly the last dozen or so actual baseball fans left in this world, I can't quite put into intelligent words how excited I am. This is because not only do I get to see the Blue Jays take on the Boston Red Sox (featuring two of the best pure hitters in the major leagues: Big Papi a.k.a David Ortiz and the completely insane Manny Ramirez) tonight at the Skydome (yes, the Skydome.... it will ALWAYS be the Skydome), but I also get to see the second of the two big signings the Jays made (A.J. Burnett.. I saw B.J. Ryan pitch Tuesday) face his former team mate Josh Beckett, he of the World Series MVP, and likely the most famous person to share my birthday... and actually, my exact birth date.

I will always harken back to the night I watched him clinch the World Series for the Marlins (hence the out-of-date pic to the right), and it was noted he was the first pitcher born in the 1980's to start a World Series game... then they flashed his birthday, and I just about freaked. We were the same age to the day, and yet here I am watching him pitch in the World Series while sitting on my couch with a beer. Where did MY life go wrong?

Then it hit me... I wasn't born to be 6'-5" in Texas. I'll bet things would be pretty different if I had been, tho!

Oh well...

UPDATE: On a whole, my birthday doesn't have anyone overly famous associated with it...take a look at this list of "who dats."

Ten More Things I Think I Think (By Request)

1. I think the line between demeaning and kinky is drawn on an emotional level.
2. I think that Sean William Scott's character in Road Trip was on to something.... but rampant homophobia just creeped everyone out too much.
3. I think that more people have their Red Wings than are willing to admit it publicly.
4. I think that without at least a vague emotional connection, sex becomes tantamount to masturbating with someone else in the room.
5. I think that everyone would have more fun if guys were a little less selfish in bed.
6. I think guys would be more likely to be less selfish if more girls weren't so pent up.
7. I think that there are few things better than having sex so high that you both pass out immediately afterwards.
8. I think that some people are just naturals at oral, but if you're not, it is very much an acquirable skill.
9. I think that attention to detail is key.
10. I think that while personal grooming is a matter of taste (ideally your own), hygiene is 100% non-negotiable.

Happy 4/20!

Yes, for those curious....I wore a green shirt today. :)

In a peculiar coincidence, and a bad pun to boot, it's also National High Five Day.

For an added bonus, one of the creators of NH5D is also responsible for this gem, which you can find on Deadspin...I'm not linking to it here....you'll have to actually go all the way over to the sidebar.

Which of course means you won't.

Day 5 - Fighting Chance? Not Really.

We decided early on in our trip that we'd go to see the Bull Fight in Cancun on Wednesday. Well, I'll admit that half of that was because we had coupons for free beer if we went. The other part was just curiosity, really. It seemed like something you should do if you're in Mexico, you know?

Well, while I'm glad I went, I can't say I'd go again. They did some kinda cool stuff before the fight itself. I guess you could qualify it as "pagentry"...? They started off with horses carrying the colours of just about any country that might be present.










Then they brought out the Bandileros (or something....the guy had a pretty thick accent), which are basically Mexican Cowboys, and they had some dancers inthe same style as they had at the hotel, too.










Then it got kinda fun. They got a few women from the audience and got them to chase some little goats and calves and stuff around the ring.


Then, they brought the Bandilero dudes back, but they did tricks standing on their horses....which I thought was pretty cool.

Cock fighting!! They just let them peck like twice, and grabbed them up.... but still, kinda cool to see!

The next game was to get teams to play soccer..."Mexican Style", which apparently means letting a young bull run around while you're playing. It was great to see the guys forget about the bull, and have him sneak up behind them. The key, as you can see, is the pink ball. Angries up the blood.... :P


After that, they took some poor (and willing) saps from the audience and let them fight the same little bull. he really cleaned them a couple of times. The Canadian guy fared pretty well, I have to say....but no. It wasn't any of us, I can assure you.

And now, The Matador!

The bull starts out with a knife already in him....and then after the tire him out a bit, the dude on the horse goes and stabs him.


After a bit more, one the assistant Matadors (is there a name for him?) jabs two feathery things into the bull's neck. He does this again in a few minutes.... These are likely the only moments when a person is in even the vaguest danger.


I hadn't figured on how bloody it was going to be. Gruesome, really. You could hardly consider it a fight. I actually stopped taking pictures because it got eerie. The whole place was pretty quiet, save for an ignorant American woman behind us that kept yelling "Olé" every single time the bull went under the cape for the entire time...I was ready to kill her by the end!

Anyway, humane isn't exactly the best word for it....in fact, it might be the exact opposite of humane...but at least the Cancun bull fight is only one bull (Mexico City, for example, is four) and in Cancun they also donate the meat to a local orphanage, which you have to admit is a pretty good cause.

On our way back, we got talking with the other guys in the van. Turns out three of them were rig workers from Northern Alberta, and they were here to party. Unfortunately for them, they decided to bring their respective girlfriends/wives with them. Of course, when you hear the rest, you might argue that it's more unfortunate for the women that they were ever included in the first place. One of them who was married said his wife told him not to come home that night as drunk as he was last night. His solution? He wasn't coming home. Classy. We made a pit stop on the way home, and they all bought 6-packs from the store. They killed it all in the 35-40 miuntes from there back to Playa del Carmen. I wasn't sure whether to be scared or impressed.

When we got back to the hotel, Jon practically ran from the van to the bathroom. So much so that Mike and I actually asked Greg, who was in the front with him, "Where did Jon go?" Turns out he had to poo. Like, a lot. Like to the point he almost had to get the driver to pull over and he was going to shit himself blind on the side of a Mexican highway. He managed to hold it, though.

It was about now Greg announced that he was leaving to get home for his Friday and Saturday shifts....maybe even get some school stuff taken care of.

Had dinner, and more Tequila, with Derrick and Lindsay, but we all agreed after one shot that blender drinks were more our speed tonight. They told us about the Mayan Ruins in Chichen Itza, which while one of the seven Wonders of the World, are a giant pain to get to from Playa del Carmen....like a 3-hour bus ride-level bad. Jon, who is shitting through the eye of a needle at fifty paces at this point, rather abruptly vetoes that.

[A Carol moment here to update everyone on the status of our poo: Jon hasn't shit right all day and is eating Imodium like Pez....Greg was bad all morning (we thought he slept in...turns out he was just afraid to leave the room, as he didn't think he could make it to the restaurant bathroom in time if he was hit on the way down), but is doing better now.....Mike is having a rough go this evening, but recovers quickly.........and somehow your narrator has, while pooing on 5 separate occaisions on Wednesday, has kept a rather firm stool. Five is a personal record in a single day, BTW....]

Later that night Greg checked his email and school stuff to see how much shit he really was in for blowing off a couple of finals to come with us. Turns out not much.

This was the point, I think, when I (for reasons I still do not comprehend) decided to post in this space.

Day 4 - Dialling it down a notch

We decided officially that we would "take 'er easy" on Tuesday, seeing as it was "only Tuesday", but it felt like we had been there for a month. Well, at least that was the plan.

So we drifted down to the beach, to hit up the beach bar.....again. Jon and I hung back a bit, for whatever reason...I think we drew the short straws for the shower, or something......

Anyway, by the time we make it down to the beach, we pull up a couple of swings, and notice Mike is back asleep, while Greg has his head on a swivel. He's literally sitting up and looking around on the tanning lounger things.... So Jon and I grab a couple of drinks from Jimmy (the beach bartender). Then Jimmy starts making random shots for me, Jon and this couple from Charlotte we had started talking to.... I'm not used to bartenders pushing booze on me, but I could get used to it.

The phrase "Bigger'n a normal boat" is uttered. We officially have a catch phrase for the week...

At one point Greg and I go on a little walk to check out the scenery...and we get to the other end of the stretch of beach, and find our drinks empty. Margaritas are in order! We wander into some other bar on the beach, and order. We get our drinks. We're stading there.......standing there...... eventually, we decide that someone will most assuredly come get us if we just walk out. Flawless logic, right? Well, it works. We start our trek back to our resort's end of the beach, and after a few minutes a little Mexican dude comes and asks if we paid for our drinks... "Oh, um...didn't you?" "I thought you did!" Well, our Mexican friend either bought our Oscar-worthy performance, or he just didn't give a shit.... We assumed the latter. But Greg still threw in "Oh, and we'll bring the glasses back when we're done". Did I mention that our drinks were in proper quasi-milkshake glasses? Yeah...so. Oops...

Anyway, the rest of the day actually does consist of us behaving ourselves (well... you know what I mean....), up until last call at the beach (5pm! the fuckers....) and we all order 5 or 6 drinks....actually our buddy Eric (Greg's SCUBA friend) took one of the plastic tables from the beach and turned it upside down to carry them all.

He's an engineer, too. We be S-M-R-T like dat.... ;)

Day 3 - Finally.....

Okay, so somewhat predictably Mike and I woke up first on Monday.

Greg comes out, and looks at the plate of sandwiches we had taken from the 24-hour bar and asks where they came from...

Iain: "You're not serious....you were eating them last night...."
Greg (not sounding convinced): "Oh....okay....."
Iain: "Do you remember the story you were telling us while you ate them?"
Greg: "What story?"

At which point Mike and I fall on the floor laughing...and proceed to explain to Greg what he and Jon got up to the previous day. To be fair, it turns out Mike had no recollection of a dog he practically adopted while we were on 5th Ave. the previous night (he named him Pedro)...but that wasn't nearly as noteworthy, I don't think.

Note the incredible amount on sand on Jon's jeans..... and, yes... they stayed there until we packed to leave

Then Jon comes wandering out....he recalled, and pointed out that we had in fact gotten more drunk and caused more shit than the first day. A pact was made to never make any more stupid proclamations, and in fact I decided that we should actively try to top ourselves today...just to be sure.

So after our customary dos cervesas with lunch, we decide to check out the beach.


And with it, the beach bar.


This went well. So well, in fact, that I think we all pulled muscules in our necks, but that I was also doing well enough that I felt it was time to make my first serious purchase: A sombrero.

Now, I knew I was half in the bag, but I was determined to argue and negotiate myself down to 150 pesos (about $15US). Now, when the guy opened at like 300 pesos, I was worried, but I played the whole "this is all I have" game...then dug around a pulled out some change....and when he wouldn't budge from $17US, I gave him 159 pesos, and he was happy. I'm sure I still got ripped off, but it felt some kind of victory in my boozy brain.... and plus, I had a sombrero! Which of course I wore back to the hotel, and Jon started into the comments of "bigger'n a normal hat!" which would continue ad nauseum for the rest of the night....well, at least until he got into the Johnny Cash......but that's coming up.

I have to just take a minute to mention a really nice (and understanding) couple from Calgary, Lindsay and Derrick, who against their wills started doing Tequila shots with us after dinner, and ended up hanging out with us for most of the rest of the night, as well as a few other nights later in the week. Cool people, and proof that we could still associate with the normals when required!

Well, after we just about killed them with shots (there's a small chance Derrick is allergic to Tequila, but he got over it), they had big plans (actual sightseeing, and such...Mayan ruins, I believe) for the following day, so when they tapped out at midnight, we were proud of them for having stuck it out as long as they did... Greg, however, was another story altogether.

This guy took a nap between the beach and dinner (almost missing dinner) and then just as we were heading out, he said that he "just had to go back to the room for a minute". Needless to say, he just went to sleep.... Dick.

So Jon, Mike and I head out down 5th Ave. again....but, of course, it's some ridiculous hour, and Monday night, too....so only a few of the clubs are open (or rather, worth going to...). We start waking, and for about the 2 hours, all Jon sings incessantly is the opening three lines from Folsom Prison Blues:

I hear the train a comin' it's rollin 'round the bend
and I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when
I'm stuck in Folsom Prison, and time keeps draggin' on.

And a wonderful line to yell hammered in a foreign country from A Boy Named Sue:

My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now you're gonna die!!"

Well, at least he wasn't ragging on my hat anymore...... Oh, yeah. I'm still very much wearing the sombrero...and a poncho that Mike bought..... I couldn't have looked more like a tourist if I had tried!!

Anyhoo...we end up at the far end of 5th Ave., having not found the bar we were looking for.... however, now we have to pee. Not a problem! Jon and I step around the corner to take care of business somewhat out of view.... and I hear a whistle. Sometimes you can just tell when a whistle is bad....but it was from down the road, and I was pretty out of sight...unlike Jon. So, I go farther around the corner, finish, and hightail it outta there.....I run into Mike coming to likely do the same thing, turn him around, and we both kinda slowly bolt.

Jon's getting hastled by the cops... again.....

Anyway, it turns out they're just security guards, and they start asking for $10US..... Jon gives them 5 pesos, and the guy seems greatful....

After another hour or so of Johnny Cash (we're not moving particularly efficiently at this point, I have to admit), we're back at the hotel, and after spending something like 20 or 30 minutes trying to break down Greg's door and trying to open it with credit cards, we give up and go to bed.......

Bigger'n a normal hat!

Sixteen Things I Think I Think

To once again rip off columnists I regularly enjoy, here is my (slightly longer) version of Peter King's Ten Things I Think I Think:

1. I think that sex in the shower is overrated.
2. I think that there might be infinitely better uses of $90,000.00 than taking a census of the homeless.
3. I think most of those things might include trying to help them NOT BE HOMELESS!!
4. I think that if there was any doubt Tom Cruise is insane, it has been removed.
5. I think that Suri Cruise is the kid with the least likely chance to turn out "normal" since Frances Bean Cobain.
6. I think Global Warming is perhaps more questionable than we know.
7. I think that if these dummies can barely predict the weather tomorrow, their models for 100,000 years might be just a bit off, too.
8. I think that it should be more widely broadcast that while the average worldwide temperature has risen 0.8 ºF in the last 100 years, evidence suggests that this was prior to 1940.
9. I think that Michael Crichton's State of Fear is, while technically fiction, extremely well researched.
10. I think that our limited resources should still give us enough reasons to be more environmentally sound.
11. I think that we have no idea how our planet works.
12. I think that we should be concerned that up until 700,000 years ago, the earth changed polarity about every 250,000 years.
13. I think that the large region near the South Pole that is in the process of changing polarity kind of concerns me. [Editor's Note: I saw this on the Discovery Channel...but I can't find a reliable or trustworthy link to it...sorry]
14. I think this will have ramifications that we can't yet really comprehend.
15. I think that this has a far greater influence on the (apparent, yet debatable) recent rise in incidents of "Extreme Weather" than anything that we are doing.
16. I think this posting will create more comments than the average post.

Post Script...

A little "PS" to what I wrote below...

I didn't mean for that to be an entirely self-indulgent rambling. I'm quite sure that just about everyone I know of that reads this is somewhere in their 20's, and from what I've heard, many of the same feelings are prevalent. I guess I was just hoping that knowing that everyone faces similar quandries, and while yours are certainly specific to being you, I know I like to think I'm not alone in my being somewhat lost.

All that said, I think that in the foreseeable future, my little Pause is going to be turned off...I'm practically planning to change everything within the next couple of years, from where I live, to what I drive, to where I work, just abotu everything is going to have to change whether it's because I want to, or because if factors beyond my control.... change is upon me.

Okay...maybe that part was totally self-indulgent...... but isn't that what blogs are for?!?

PPS: Yes, I know I've been derelict about the rest of our week in Mexico. I've been away, and then I've been busy......I'll get to it shortly.....I promise funny stories, both poo and non-poo related.... :)

Long Weekend Musings

I'm not sure what the final staw was....be it the premiere (at least to my knowledge) of "What About Brian" last night...the fact that this past Saturday marks exactly one month until my 26th birthday...or if it was just that I had a total of four hours round trip to the cottage in the car on my own to mull it all over, but I think it has kind of hit me.

The phenomenon that's sweeping the nation!

Maybe this started a few months back when I was discussing with a friend of mine how it's kinda weird how we're stuck in "normal" jobs...how we had felt since we were young that we were destined for more, but somehow that got sidetracked.

Maybe it started waaaaay back in 2003, when I had a job locked up before convocation, a car of my own not long after that, and found myself living in the big city on my own dime barely 4 months after I wrote my last exam at Queen's. Basically having hit FastForward on the road to adulthood, knowing full well that I most certainly hadn't gotten everything out of my system.

Well, I kind of feel like it's been a bit of a Pause since then.

Yes, I've changed jobs, I've done almost infinitely more travelling in the last couple of years than I ever had, but I really haven't advanced my life much...

The funny part? I'm not entirely sure I want to.

This winter I've found myself fighting with my friends over who is "less of an adult", and then just a matter of days later (with many of the same people present) discussing RRSPs, financial advisors and real estate agents... it seems that life in your 20's these days is tantamount to a kind of purgatory.... a pretty fun purgatory, granted, but purgatory none the less...

Here we have, the Quarter-Life Crisis.

I don't really know what it means, but I seem to understand it as a "What Now?" kind of situation, punctuated with a fair amount of "Not Yet."

For whatever that's worth...

Do not pass "Go!" Do not collect $200.

{phone rings}
Iain: Hi, Iain here.
Dahlia: Hey Iain...I was just looking for Chris (our 18-year-old co-op student), is he around?
Iain: Yeah, he's...
Dahlia (interrupting): Nope, nevermind....they're gone.
Iain: Why?
Dahlia: Oh, there were just some young girls up here...
Iain (interrupting): How young?
Dahlia: For you? Jailbait...they were like 16....that's why I was calling for Chris!
Iain (disappointed): I guess I'm going to hell now, huh?
Dahlia: Yeah, pretty much.

Clarification

Okay, so I know I built this up and then didn't really post a whole lot.....well.....blame blogger.

The picture feature was taking FOREVER for each little picture, so I got frustrated and said "Fuck it!"....however, I'm also going to the cottage tonight, and will be at the Toronto Indoor Games upon my return on Saturday, so you might have to suck it up for a little longer to get the whole story.......not to mention the poo.

But really, posting those first two days was a lot more effort than I had really planned for...

I Hate Computers

more to follow once I stop hating this stupid machine........

Day 2 - Be Careful What You Wish For ...or... Turns out the rules still apply

Fuck. Me.

I woke up Sunday with one of the worst hangovers of my life. Just thinking about it again makes my whole body hurt. I can't say I'm not surprised, though. It was well deserved.

Over lunch (don't for one second think that after a 36 hour bender for me and Greg, and a 48 bender for Jon and Mike, all of which included a cramped piece of shit flight, that we'd even contemplate breakfast), while Greg was still showering, I said to Jon and Mike: "Well, I don't imagine that today could be much more eventful than yesterday."
Mike: "You watch it, there..."
Jon: "Yeah, don't say stuff like that."

A few minutes later, Greg comes down and announces: "Well, I guess we can't get any more drunk than yesterday."
Mike and Jon: "Uh-oh. We're fuct, now."

These two utterances by myself and Greg are what one could commonly term "Famous Last Words." We were now formally waiting for the other shoe to drop.

To be honest, we barely made lunch, which was served from 1 to 4pm, so once we ate is was already getting kinda late. After we have a few drinks, we decide to wander down the main drag in Playa del Carmen, which it turns out is called 5th Ave. Greg and I go searching for the Beach Bar (which it turns out closes at 5pm....and seeing as it's almost 8, was somewhat anti-climactic), while Mike and Jon go off somewhere else. Anyway, Greg and I decide that we need pictures with the big frog outside Senor Frog's...




















You'll notice the weiner dog that is accidentally in Greg's picture. Well, the owner started saying how sorry she was to have gotten in our picture, and then I said "No, actually, I took it faster to make sure we got him in there!" At that point I was offered him to hold so that Greg could get a picture of me. Unfortunately, in our alcohol infused minds, this became the greatest idea ever, and we asked a couple with two other random dogs if we could "borrow" them for this....


In other news, Timo was working the restaurant bar that night. Remember how I said that Timo's a good shit? Turns out Timo's a jerk. The little fucker started sending over Tequila that we hadn't ordered. I think he just liked to see white people vomit...but we didn't cave! We took everything that little bastard could throw at us!! Naw, I'm kidding. Timo was a good guy...he got us drunk! :)

(yes, Timo is standing on a milk crate...)

So after dinner, out comes the first part of the "entertainment". It was a number of dancers doing various dances from around the world, the can-can , for example. Upon seeing one of the female dancers, Mike says: "Oh my God....she's going to be my first ex-wife!"

In other words, he was vaguely enthralled.

Once that was over, and we collected our jaws from the floor, the people who run the "entertainment", Eve from Cuba and Oscar from Venezuela, came over. Naturally, we had befriended them earlier (have I mentioned that we're sociable drunks?), and so they dragged Greg and Jon up on stage to be part of the show.

So, along the way, they get Jon and Greg to play some silly games, but there are a couple of noatable highlights: In one game, they blindfold everyone, then take everyone's blindfold off except Greg. Then they give him a banana, and say that it's a race to finish the banana. Needless to say, Greg scarfs a couple of bananas with the kind of prowess that would excite any gay man....and then Mike and I get the idea to record it wil Jon's digital camera. If I get the video from him, I'll certainly post it, but it basically depicts Greg wolfing down another banana, then Oscar yanking off his blindfold... Greg looks to his left (where all the other "competitors" are sitting looking at him) and leaps up, pretending to hit Jon, and then sits back down, defeated. Then he looks over at me, and notices that I'm filiming him. A discrete middle finger was my reward.

In the next game, each guy had to run around and kiss as many girls as possible, and both Greg and Jon went for the same table to start, which is where we met the first two of our Italian friends, Federica and Luccia (Lucy), as seen below...


But we're not finished! Not even close. I'm not sure how this came about (Mike and I weren't exactly riveted....to be honest, we were replaying the video of Greg on Jon's camera...), but Greg and Jon lost a game (or maybe won...who knows), and so had to drink out of the Tequila bottle. Oh, did I say drink? It was more that Eve would hold the bottle as high as she could, and they were to drink until it spilled out all over them........ In short, they each got about three big gulps of Tequila.

Iain: Ha! That's hilarious!
Mike: It might be funny now...but in about 20 minutes when the show's over, we're going to have to deal with that.......
Iain: Eek..

So while all full of Tequila, Greg starts plotting his revenge on Oscar for the bananas....so he and Jon go looking for Oscar...find him......and (after letting him drop off his cell phone on the deck) toss him in the pool...









So once Banana Man, Mr. Banana, Banana Boy or Senor Banane (take your pick) got his revenge, Timo sent over some more Tequila, and believe it or not, all our new friends left us to continue what we came there to do...

Note the banana on the table.....

So here's where things get a little sketchy...

We all head out on the town, no idea what we're going to get up to, or where we're going. Always a good plan when you're hammered in a strange country, right?

So we're walking (staggering?) down 5th Ave., and Mike and I spy a group of smoking hot ladies going the other way. We quickly pull a U-turn...inadvetantly leaving Jon and Greg behind, but manage to also lose the hotties, so we do what anyone should, we stopped in for a beer at an arbitrary bar. After they closed, we decided to try and find the Blue Parrot again, seeing as we found out this morning (well, this afternoon) that we had gotten two free drinks with our entrance Saturday night, which we were too drunk to notice or take advantage of. So we go there, and get our drinks. Unfortunately, the Shooter Girl (who we vaguely remember from the night before) corners us, starts just pouring shots in our mouth.....once she pours enough to spend all our money (and we tell her this), she keeps going, but gets really pissed and storms off when we try to pay in Canadian money.... Oh well.

After a bit, we decide to roll on home....making what turns into a regular stop at Senor Frog...













Once we wander in the door (again, with a plate of sandwiches), Jon exclaims: "Holy shit! We just got in about as much trouble as you can, and we get home....and you're not here.....we're just hoping you're alive at this point!"

[Editor's Note: The sun may or may not have been coming up at this point, as Mike and I had spent likely the best part of an hour explaining to a couple of kids in the 24-hour bar how exactly one goes about obtaining drugs in Playa del Carmen, as while shopping earlier the in day we had inadvetantly dropped a "code word" and were offered free samples of coke...]

Anyway, turns out Jon and Greg had similar experiences as Mike and I did, in terms of drinking in cheap and sketchy little bars, but then the got seduced by the bright lights of Cozumel (the island closest to where we are staying). They then decided that they needed a boat! Well, they head down to the beach where the fishing boats are kept, and while Greg begins to untie one, Jon jumps into the ocean and starts hauling on the outboard. Turns out there's no gas tank. So they try another one.....then another......and then on the next one, they get a spot light put on them.

SHIT! Policia!

Greg drops the ropes, but they grab him. Light shines on Jon...

Angry Mexican Cop: "What're you doing there?"
Jon (as he releases the pull cord): "Swimming?"

Keep in mind Jon's up to his waist, and is wearing jeans. So they get him outta the water, and with an Uzi pushed against his chest, they hand him handcuffs. Jon, with his wits only vaguely about him, hands them right back to the cop. "No, it's okay. I don't want 'em."

At this point, all we can figure is that the cops thought the two of them were far too drunk to be of any real danger and let them go....they didn't even have to buy their way out, which is about standard operating procedures in Mexico!!

Anyway, to explain the titles (if you care), Greg and I were both proven wrong with our lunchtime assertions, and it's not "laws" that still apply....it's that Greg and Jon aren't allowed to drink alone in Kingston, so we shouldn't have overlooked that in Mexico.........

The week that was May-hee-ko

Day 1 - A Loooooooooong Day a.k.a. The Fall

I'll start off first thing Friday morning, as I'm getting up to go to work around 8am....when simultaneously in a kitchen in Englehart, Mike arrives at Jon's house.Jon is frying bacon. Mike cracks a beer. They get on the train, and head down to Toronto. Several more beers will be cracked during their voyage to the big city, this is for certain.

Around 4pm, I check the weather. Everyone nearby at work immediately hates me....rightfully so....

I pick up Jon and Mike at Union Station a little after 7pm, and we retreat to Casa del Gomme for more beer, and possibly pizza.

Around 10:30, we call Greg and tell him we're packing a bag for him, whether he likes it or not.....he says that we should hold off coming to the Curling Club for a bit, as it's still pretty busy.

About midnight, we head off to the Curling Club on what we think is a last-minute attempt to convince Greg to come with us. We arrive, and tell him we have a bag for him in the car (a complete and total lie....I barely finished packing for myself!), to which he replies: "I don't know what you'd have put in it, cuz I've got a bag packed in my trunk right now." Turns out he checked the weather in Cancun mid-afternoon, as I had, and gave life a big "Fuck it!"... this is good news.

Around 3, we leave the Curling Club, and with a brief stop-over at home, head to the airport. After checking in, we're heading down to our gate on the moving sidewalk thingies, and I've turned around to converse with my fellow travellers...at which point Jon says: "Wow these things go on forever!" Moments later, I feel something nudge my heel. As I turn around to see what it is, my handrail disappears from below my hand, and I proceed to (very slowly, as it turns out) fall and sprawl all over the floor, sending my watch and backpack flying while my was ego crushed under the waves of laughter from the guys, as well as the muffled giggles from other travellers... Okay, fine....I just about died laughing, too....it was hilarious. :)

At 6:25am (or thereabouts....I was pretty out of it at that point) we take off.

MOST UNCOMFORTABLE FLIGHT EVER!!!!!!!

I took Air Transat to the UK once 12 years ago, and it sucked. Apparently that memory had faded enough that alarm bells didn't go off this time. Oops.

We land, and slowly figure out as we're taking our bus to the hotel that we are not in fact staying in Cancun....turns out Playa del Carmen is about 45 minutes South of Cancun, in the Mayan Riviera. Fortunately, we were able to squeeze in a couple of beers on the bus ride, so all was right in the world. :)

We get there, and attempt to check in. Our rooms aren't ready yet as it's only about 11, but check-in time isn't until 3pm. So what do we do? Well, first we find a bank so that we have money of value in this silly country, but then we get our drinking shoes on.

By about 4, we notice that our rooms should be ready.......so Greg and I get our room no problem......... but Jon and Mike have an issue. Turns out their room is just one King-sized bed, while Greg and I have two beds. As you might imagine, this posed a problem. Okay, it was only a problem to Jon and Mike.....Greg and I killed ourselves laughing, actually...

Well, in the end we got upgraded to a 4-person suite. Turns out we're on the top floor of the building directly adjacent to the pool and the tanning area....and our balcony faces both of these. We are officially in the Pervert Suite. Good times!!

Mike then makes the following observation: Four guys in Mexico, two bathrooms.....and no plungers. This can't end well.

So, once moved in...back to what we do best: Drinking. By after dinner, I'll be honest....we were starting to lag a bit. By about 10 or 11 we were sitting on the swings at the lobby bar, Jon was openly talking about going to bed, and Mike and I were starting to think it wasn't an awful idea. Greg, however, decided that Tequila was in order. Now, we all discussed earlier how we hated Tequila. Like, a lot. So, of course the next logical step was to order shots....

Alas, this was our undoing. After the first couple of shots, Jon visibly perked up...and started ordering rounds himself! It was like watching coffee take effect on someone... Then after a few, we started talking to our bartender, a Mexican dude name Timoteo, or Timo for short (we took bets that by Thursday we'd be calling him "Tomato"). Then after a few more, Eric, a guy that Greg met earlier in the afternoon at a diving place (while the rest of us grabbed a quick beer) who was also staying at our resort, showed up and started doing Tequila "Boom-Boom"s with his buddy, which is just Tequila with Sprite and some flavoured red colouring, mixed by smacking is on a menu with a napkin over top. Anyway....we had a couple of those, but went back to the regular Tequila...which was starting to go down a little toooooo smooth. At this point we're ordering more to spite Greg, who is getting a bit sick of Tequila. He threatens to punch Timo is he pours him another, but says "Don't worry, you can hit me back!" Needless to say, Greg got (several) more shots, but no punches were thrown... Timo's a good shit.

After something like 8 or 12 shots, we're all bouncing off the walls, and decide to head out on the town. We end up at the Blue Parrot, where Greg has decided that the Tequila was my fault, and he is going to hurt me (via booze) for it. He orders the first round for the two of us, and it's 6 Sols. This is around where things get cloudy....and we all kinda broke up, but recongregated around the Shooter Girl. We mostly wandered around for the next couple hours in a drunken haze, and lost Mike. He couldn't find anyone anymore, so he went back to the hotel (granted, this was at like 4am). I had found Greg when we both came out of the can (how we didn't see each other in there is the miracle of Men's Room Etiquette in a nutshell), and proceeded to have one of those "solving the world's problems" kinda conversations. Jon came by and heard this, so he got the hell outta there. I think once we decided that Electric Circus Iain was not in the cards and that Greg was just a bag of toys, we went back to the hotel and crashed, but not without hitting up the 24-hour drink and snack bar for a plate of sandwiches, though.

Lord only knows when Jon got back... but it was likely within spitting distance of the 48-hour mark since Mike showed up at his house in Englehart.

Saving the World?

Stephen says: ewww, i jsut got a crappy coffee
Iain says: ick....is there anything worse than bad coffee?
Stephen says: even when it's bad, it's still good
Iain says: naw, bad coffee is unredeemably bad....unlike pizza and hummers...
Stephen says: ohh, that last one, yes, when its bad..ITS BAD
Iain says: sadly, yes....but it's still better than not....
Stephen says: well, yes
Iain says: but at the time, seriously....there's not much more disappointing than a bad hummer....
Stephen says: reading over that, its funny, like this is a serious conversation
Iain says: oral is a serious matter.... too many people don't know what they're doing, damnit!
Stephen says: we should open a school
Iain says: it would likely saves many relationships, if not lives....
Stephen says: maybe the world! happy people = no war
Iain says: seriously, if everyone's getting decent-to-good oral, I think this world would be a happier place....

Patience is a Virtue

Okay, I’ll ‘fess up…sometimes I’m a lot more Scottish than I like to admit, and so the full story of what went on in turns-out-not-so-lawless Mexico (yes, that’s what we like to call a “teaser”) won’t be around for another few days while I am busy not paying extra to get my pictures quickly.

BUT! In the meantime, a few notes….

First, I had no idea how much Playa del Carmen was going to resemble Ibiza. It was almost eerie with all the little stores that sell nothing of any real value, but proliferate the area like a virus. That and the seemingly lawless drinking, smoking and drug availability.

Second, we basically stumbled through dumb luck into one of the few beaches on the Eastern coast that wasn’t completely torn apart by the hurricane(s). This is due mostly to the island of Cozumel, which got decimated…but I’ll delve into that further in due time.

Third, if one more person comments that I’m “not that tanned”, I’m going to scream. Seriously….do you have any idea how white people with British backgrounds get during the winter?!? I’m at about my June shade on April 11th. That strikes me as significant…also, I was paranoid of being burnt practically purple like I was in Spain, and that was in August, so I had had sun in Canada. Thus, I lathered on the SPF 30 pretty religiously for my own self-preservation.

Lastly, I’ve decided to differentiate the “poo stories” (of which there will unfortunately be numerous...this was Mexico, after all) as “Carol Chan Moments”, just to give those less enthusiastic about poo a chance to skip to the next paragraph…. I promise I’m only going to mention funny things, not so much gross…but not everyone is as excited about poo as Carol can be, so anyway….

Back to our regularly scheduled programming…

The Streak is Over

I finally won a coffee.......

And I swear I was out of the country for that bombing thing...... tho that's not my style, anyway.

I prefer ninjas.

Well, at least I'll shut up about it now!

Big congrats to Tim Deegan from Kitchener for winning the Much Music VJ Search.

I'm almost ashamed to say that I voted for him, just because it means that I actually voted. In all honesty, he's going to do an incredible job. He just seems like a really cool guy, and I'm sadly excited to see how he does.

One thing that kinda struck me as to how cool Tim actually is, was when he and the openly gay Sean were the only two left, Tim gave him the full body, hip-to-hip hug that anyone should give their fellow competitor rather than the classic homophobic, firm handshake. Kudos to Tim for being an all around cool dude, and I hope he does great.

That said, I'd have rathered that Rebecca Stacey from Edmonton was voted back on, but that would have likely meant that Nikki or Sean would have won.

Yes, that was just a blatant excuse to post a picture of her.... :)

Sometimes I wonder how it is I haven't been on more violent killing sprees

Today's Scene: CIBC

Me: Hi, I'd like to change this [puts 690 pesos on counter] back into Canadian funds.
Ass-Munch Behind Counter: What are those?
Me: What? [as I slowly realize he's dead serious] They're pesos...
AMBC: Oh, we can't buy those because people don't buy them back. They'll just sit here.
Me: You have to be [thinking, but holding myself back, "fucking"] kidding me....
AMBC: You have to go to one of those Money Exchange Places.
Me: Wow. Thanks.
AMBC: [completely oblivious to his own ass-munchiness] Have a nice day!

Sometimes I'm glad we have stricter gun laws than in the US....but, today? It makes me feel empty.

Hold Your Collective Horses

Okay, so while some fortunate souls in Kingston (and others via phone from Ottawa) got a sneak preview this weekend of the ridiculousness that is the concept of Greg, Jon, Mike and I being let loose alone with 24-hour drinks in a lawless country like Mexico, I am going to hold off on actually posting any of this until I get my pictures developed.

Yes, I am a phtographic dinosaur...deal with it. I use disposable cameras, but thanks to Justin being bright, I have become aware of the fact that you can get these cheap little pieces of crap "developed" onto a CD...which contributed significantly to my photo-essay from New Year's.

Also, this being Mexico, I think Carol is going to enjoy a number of incidents. Needless to say, there was either not enough, or far too much eating of oranges this week.

On an entirely different note, I think it's worth pointing out that I wasn't exactly dreading going back to work today!

Turns out I like it here.... :)